fear_dom

i could only wonder why there are times when two people who once shared dreams of forever would find themselves at different paths, at different poles, at different loves. maybe it's because nothing in this world is perfect, and a perfect relationship should not be allowed to exist.

i have two greatest fears: to die with all my dreams unaccomplished and to commit myself emotionally to someone. maybe because i never liked the fact of losing.

one hundred twenty eight

yup..im back! im here at school waiting for my physical exam. since i came late...i got the 128th slot. huwaw!!! lucky me i guess.lol.
how many days before classes start? hmm..don't wanna count.im trying to indulge on my last few days of summer...which i never had really. got busy cleaning the house. washing dishes, cooking, doing the laundry. HELP WANTED!!!!

fourth year college...again. ill be finishing my second degree. woah! holy camote! and i thought i was too tired to take another degree. what do you know?!

it's kindda nerve wracking really. fourth year poses more psychological tension than the lower batches. not only are you expected to know MORE and BETTER than the younger ones, you're also dealing with nervousness and emotional pressure that somehow...you won't end up screwing all those years.

on the bright side...im a senior...i can do pretty much whatever i want.hahaha..

can someone say she's emotionally blank?! okay..i'll say it then: "im emotionally blank." when it comes to love, that is. i dunno...i tried to open up to someone...but i go back to feeling empty and...

ask me anything, except lovelife. coz i have no other answer than..."wala eh." and if pressed why, i'll say " wala talaga eh."

maybe it's not my time. what the heck.

to that someone whom i tried to consider special. you were THIS close to making me believe in fairytales again...i guess you weren't ready for that and im not gonna pressure you. i just wish you just stayed as one of my friends...im not gonna wait for you to be ready..hell...im tired of waiting.

doodles...

what a way to start summer! talk about getting sick on the first week of my vacation! bummer! anyway..i have no plans of stacking up on action-packed plans. i wanted to stay home and study. (alarm bells please!) yup..you all read this one clearly: i am going to study this summer. maybe go out once in awhile...but generally, i wanted to catch up on some readings. heller! im already a senior and i'll be graduating in a year.i still feel like i have a lot of things to learn to even qualify myself as competent.

been planning on an A3 reunion. where? i have no idea. at least i have the date on mind...may 27. now if only people will spend a few pesos on their cellphone loads and text me if they're okay with the idea. i mean duh!!! ANG HIRAP KAYA MAGPLANO MAG-ISA!!!

since i have no emotional dilemma at present....i have no idea on what to type here. obviously. hay..i don't think passivity suits me...i'll probably die of boredom before summer ends. quick!! hand me a bomb!

as always....i end here.

i can feel the summer heat!!

whew!!
talk about dehydrated!!! blazing heat at daytime...thankfully summer nights now are cooler...

i couldn't think of anything to write. must be the result of a strenous night-reviewing, doing ncps, drug studies.
wanted to go to the beach sometime this summer.

great...im hearing "if im not in love with you".... reminds me of jaymer singing that on the phone...that was a year ago...can't believe time flies that fast.

no..im not bitter...kay jaymer?!hehehehe

i don't mean to offend though...

i realized that jaymer came close to kiko's previous role as my best boy bud. ewan ko lang kung kaya akong pagsabihan ni mherong...eh isa pang pasaway un eh...
nakakatawa nga...there are times that i wanted to confide this fact to jaymer..kaso i kindda held back everytime kasi im not sure of his reaction...knowing him..tatawa lang yun...

anyway...wanted to do something worthwhile this summer...thinking of joining unicef's walkathon..
anyone wanna come?!

re-begin.

in fairness to my friends who have helped me and motivated me to move on...i did what they suggested. and i wanna say thanks.

knowing me, i persist to succeed.

and since this is one of my "conquests" at present, i decided that the best way to move on is not to let time heal the wound, but to race against time in banishing the pain. kindda impossible?
not really...someone once said nothing in this world is impossible, right?!

i want to move on.because i've had enough. because i know i deserve better. because i know what matters most in my life. because i know what i was created to become.

it's just so ironic, that i chose to believe in promises, when in fact, people change. and just as distance, time and another love changed him, so did the pain, the disappointment and the self-love changed me.

now i have faced the reality...harsh at it sounds...disappointing to think of it this way:

he wasn't the one for me.

yes, i have changed because i want to. i will no longer fight for you. i have stopped hoping for you.

but i will pray. pray that i will succeed in the direction i will take. pray that the path and life i have chosen will lead me away from you. because that is where i ought to be.

i have re-focused myself. and if you think you still know me, you don't. because i have changed.
i am stronger, more focused, more determined to succeed. because i decided i want my life to be better, even without you in it.

ciao...there are no another-time's....

walang pakialamanan...

what shocks you more than hearing from the person you love the most that he's getting married with someone else...right here in pinas...of all countries...
kaya walang pkialamanan..gusto ko mag-post ng ganito...

Put away the pictures. Put away the memories. I put over and over Through my tears I've held them till I'm blind They kept my hope alive As if somehow that I'd keep you here Once you believed in a love forever more? How do you leave it in a drawer? Now here it comes, the hardest part of all Unchain my heart that's holding on How do I start to live my life alone? Guess I'm just learning, Learning the art of letting go. Try to say it's over Say the word goodbye. But each time it catches in my throat Your still here in me And I can't set you free So I hold on to what I wanted most Maybe someday we'll be friend's forever more Wish I could open up that door Now here it comes, the hardest part of all Unchain my heart that's holding on How do I start to live my life alone? Guess I'm just learning, Learning the art of letting go Watching us fade What can I do? But try to make it through the pain of one more day Without you Where do I start, to live my life alone? I guess I'm learning, only learning, Learning the art of letting go.

My shattered dreams and broken heartAre mending on the shelfI saw you holding hands, standing close to someone elseNow I sit all alone wishing all my feeling was goneI gave my best to you, nothing for me to doBut have one last cryChorus:One last cry, before I leave it all behindI've gotta put you outta my mind this timeStop living a lieI guess I'm down to my last cryCry......I was here, you were thereGuess we never could agreeWhile the sun shines on youI need some love to rain on meStill I sit all alone, wishing all my feeling was goneGotta get over you, nothing for me to doBut have one last cryChorus:One last cry, before I leave it all behindI've gotta put you outta my mind this timeStop living a lieI know I gotta be strongCause round me life goes on and on and onAnd on.....I'm gonna dry my eyesRight after I had myOne last cryChorus:One last cry, before I leave it all behindI've gotta put you outta my mind for the very last timeBeen living a lieI guess I'm downI guess I'm downI guess I'm down...To my last cry...
can't believe what i just heardCould it be trueAre you the girl I thought I knewThe one who promised me her loveWhere did it goDoes anybody ever knowChorus:How do you heal a broken heartThat feels like it will never beat this much againOh noI just can't let goHow do you heal a broken heartThat feels like it will never love this much againOh noTonight I'll hold what could be rightTomorrow I'll pretend to let you goAnd were you ever what you seemedOr was I a fool who fell in loveWith his own dreamAnd now you say you want to leaveStart a new life todayThose words I thought you'd never sayChorus:Tonight I'll hold what could be rightTomorrow I'll pretend toWake and put it all behind meAnd find that I have finally foundA new lifeIn my soulAnd find that I know how to let you goYou goChorus:Tonight I'll hold what could be rightTomorrow i'll pretend toWake and put it all behind meAnd find that I know how to let you go

It's over and doneBut the heartache lives on insideAnd who is the one your clinging to instead of me tonite(bridge)And where are you nowNow that I need youTears on my pillowWherever you goCry me a river that leads to your oceansYou'll never see me fall apart(chorus)In the words of a broken heart it's just emotionsTaking me overTied up in sorrowsLost in my soulAnd if you don't come backCome home to me darlin'You know there'll be no body left in this world to hold me tightNo body left in this world to kiss goodnightGoodnight goodnight goodnightGoodnightI'm here at your sideApart of all the things you areAnd you never thought of some one elseYour gonna find you shining star

There i was waiting for a chance hoping that u'll understandthe things i wanna sayAs my loveis stronger than before i wanna see u more and more but you close the doorWhy don't u try to open up your hearti won't take so much of your time.....Maybe it's wrong to say please love me toocoz i know u never dosomebody else is waitin' there inside for you....maybe its wrong to love you more each daycoz i know she's here to stay....but i know to whom you should belong....I believe what u said to me we should set each other free that's how u want it to be....repeat II then chorus....coda:but my love is strong i don't know if this is wrong but i know to whom you should belong........

...marami pa kaso di ko na alam alin ilalagay dito..tama na..magkakape nalang ulit ako..

this really is an attempt to say au revoir

I CAN'T MAKE YOU LOVE ME

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed Turn down these voices inside my head Lay down with me, tell me no lies Just hold me close, don't patronize (don't patronize me)Cause I can't make you love me if you don'tYou can't make your heart feel something it won'tHere in the dark, in these lonely hoursI will lay down my heart and I'll feel the powerBut you won't, no, you won'tCause I can't make you love me if you don'tI'll close my eyes, then I won't seeThe love you don't feel when you're holding meMorning will come and I'll do what's rightJust give me till then to give up this fight (and I will give up this fight)Cause I can't make you love me if you don'tYou can't make your heart feel something it won'tHere in the dark, in these lonely hoursI will lay down my heart and I'll feel the powerBut you won't, no, you won'tCause I can't make you love me if you don't

actually...i think it's time for me to move on.so im gonna try to. the song is right. you can't make someone love you, if that person does not want to. i cried the last set of tears last night. i told myself im gonna try not to cry anymore. just to clear things though: im happy for you. i really am. just wanna say thank you for making me feel loved...sincerely. and for making me feel that im capable of the kind of love i feel with you. it was exhilirating and inspiring i wish it lasted longer. but nothing lasts forever.if two people cannot be together, that doesn't mean they cannot be together...NOW.

see you in our next lives. and i sure hope next time, there'd be no endings...or might-have-beens....