pirouette

fear_dom

2006-06-29T16:39:00.000+08:00

i could only wonder why there are times when two people who once shared dreams of forever would find themselves at different paths, at different poles, at different loves. maybe it's because nothing in this world is perfect, and a perfect relationship should not be allowed to exist.

i have two greatest fears: to die with all my dreams unaccomplished and to commit myself emotionally to someone. maybe because i never liked the fact of losing.

one hundred twenty eight

2006-06-07T08:48:00.000+08:00

yup..im back! im here at school waiting for my physical exam. since i came late...i got the 128th slot. huwaw!!! lucky me i guess.lol.
how many days before classes start? hmm..don't wanna count.im trying to indulge on my last few days of summer...which i never had really. got busy cleaning the house. washing dishes, cooking, doing the laundry. HELP WANTED!!!!

fourth year college...again. ill be finishing my second degree. woah! holy camote! and i thought i was too tired to take another degree. what do you know?!

it's kindda nerve wracking really. fourth year poses more psychological tension than the lower batches. not only are you expected to know MORE and BETTER than the younger ones, you're also dealing with nervousness and emotional pressure that somehow...you won't end up screwing all those years.

on the bright side...im a senior...i can do pretty much whatever i want.hahaha..

can someone say she's emotionally blank?! okay..i'll say it then: "im emotionally blank." when it comes to love, that is. i dunno...i tried to open up to someone...but i go back to feeling empty and...

ask me anything, except lovelife. coz i have no other answer than..."wala eh." and if pressed why, i'll say " wala talaga eh."

maybe it's not my time. what the heck.

to that someone whom i tried to consider special. you were THIS close to making me believe in fairytales again...i guess you weren't ready for that and im not gonna pressure you. i just wish you just stayed as one of my friends...im not gonna wait for you to be ready..hell...im tired of waiting.

doodles...

2006-05-06T11:37:00.000+08:00

what a way to start summer! talk about getting sick on the first week of my vacation! bummer! anyway..i have no plans of stacking up on action-packed plans. i wanted to stay home and study. (alarm bells please!) yup..you all read this one clearly: i am going to study this summer. maybe go out once in awhile...but generally, i wanted to catch up on some readings. heller! im already a senior and i'll be graduating in a year.i still feel like i have a lot of things to learn to even qualify myself as competent.

been planning on an A3 reunion. where? i have no idea. at least i have the date on mind...may 27. now if only people will spend a few pesos on their cellphone loads and text me if they're okay with the idea. i mean duh!!! ANG HIRAP KAYA MAGPLANO MAG-ISA!!!

since i have no emotional dilemma at present....i have no idea on what to type here. obviously. hay..i don't think passivity suits me...i'll probably die of boredom before summer ends. quick!! hand me a bomb!

as always....i end here.

i can feel the summer heat!!

2006-04-26T15:12:00.000+08:00

whew!!
talk about dehydrated!!! blazing heat at daytime...thankfully summer nights now are cooler...

i couldn't think of anything to write. must be the result of a strenous night-reviewing, doing ncps, drug studies.
wanted to go to the beach sometime this summer.

great...im hearing "if im not in love with you".... reminds me of jaymer singing that on the phone...that was a year ago...can't believe time flies that fast.

no..im not bitter...kay jaymer?!hehehehe

i don't mean to offend though...

i realized that jaymer came close to kiko's previous role as my best boy bud. ewan ko lang kung kaya akong pagsabihan ni mherong...eh isa pang pasaway un eh...
nakakatawa nga...there are times that i wanted to confide this fact to jaymer..kaso i kindda held back everytime kasi im not sure of his reaction...knowing him..tatawa lang yun...

anyway...wanted to do something worthwhile this summer...thinking of joining unicef's walkathon..
anyone wanna come?!

re-begin.

2006-03-19T16:42:00.000+08:00

in fairness to my friends who have helped me and motivated me to move on...i did what they suggested. and i wanna say thanks.

knowing me, i persist to succeed.

and since this is one of my "conquests" at present, i decided that the best way to move on is not to let time heal the wound, but to race against time in banishing the pain. kindda impossible?
not really...someone once said nothing in this world is impossible, right?!

i want to move on.because i've had enough. because i know i deserve better. because i know what matters most in my life. because i know what i was created to become.

it's just so ironic, that i chose to believe in promises, when in fact, people change. and just as distance, time and another love changed him, so did the pain, the disappointment and the self-love changed me.

now i have faced the reality...harsh at it sounds...disappointing to think of it this way:

he wasn't the one for me.

yes, i have changed because i want to. i will no longer fight for you. i have stopped hoping for you.

but i will pray. pray that i will succeed in the direction i will take. pray that the path and life i have chosen will lead me away from you. because that is where i ought to be.

i have re-focused myself. and if you think you still know me, you don't. because i have changed.
i am stronger, more focused, more determined to succeed. because i decided i want my life to be better, even without you in it.

ciao...there are no another-time's....

walang pakialamanan...

2006-03-08T11:53:00.000+08:00

what shocks you more than hearing from the person you love the most that he's getting married with someone else...right here in pinas...of all countries...
kaya walang pkialamanan..gusto ko mag-post ng ganito...

Put away the pictures. Put away the memories. I put over and over Through my tears I've held them till I'm blind They kept my hope alive As if somehow that I'd keep you here Once you believed in a love forever more? How do you leave it in a drawer? Now here it comes, the hardest part of all Unchain my heart that's holding on How do I start to live my life alone? Guess I'm just learning, Learning the art of letting go. Try to say it's over Say the word goodbye. But each time it catches in my throat Your still here in me And I can't set you free So I hold on to what I wanted most Maybe someday we'll be friend's forever more Wish I could open up that door Now here it comes, the hardest part of all Unchain my heart that's holding on How do I start to live my life alone? Guess I'm just learning, Learning the art of letting go Watching us fade What can I do? But try to make it through the pain of one more day Without you Where do I start, to live my life alone? I guess I'm learning, only learning, Learning the art of letting go.

My shattered dreams and broken heartAre mending on the shelfI saw you holding hands, standing close to someone elseNow I sit all alone wishing all my feeling was goneI gave my best to you, nothing for me to doBut have one last cryChorus:One last cry, before I leave it all behindI've gotta put you outta my mind this timeStop living a lieI guess I'm down to my last cryCry......I was here, you were thereGuess we never could agreeWhile the sun shines on youI need some love to rain on meStill I sit all alone, wishing all my feeling was goneGotta get over you, nothing for me to doBut have one last cryChorus:One last cry, before I leave it all behindI've gotta put you outta my mind this timeStop living a lieI know I gotta be strongCause round me life goes on and on and onAnd on.....I'm gonna dry my eyesRight after I had myOne last cryChorus:One last cry, before I leave it all behindI've gotta put you outta my mind for the very last timeBeen living a lieI guess I'm downI guess I'm downI guess I'm down...To my last cry...
can't believe what i just heardCould it be trueAre you the girl I thought I knewThe one who promised me her loveWhere did it goDoes anybody ever knowChorus:How do you heal a broken heartThat feels like it will never beat this much againOh noI just can't let goHow do you heal a broken heartThat feels like it will never love this much againOh noTonight I'll hold what could be rightTomorrow I'll pretend to let you goAnd were you ever what you seemedOr was I a fool who fell in loveWith his own dreamAnd now you say you want to leaveStart a new life todayThose words I thought you'd never sayChorus:Tonight I'll hold what could be rightTomorrow I'll pretend toWake and put it all behind meAnd find that I have finally foundA new lifeIn my soulAnd find that I know how to let you goYou goChorus:Tonight I'll hold what could be rightTomorrow i'll pretend toWake and put it all behind meAnd find that I know how to let you go

It's over and doneBut the heartache lives on insideAnd who is the one your clinging to instead of me tonite(bridge)And where are you nowNow that I need youTears on my pillowWherever you goCry me a river that leads to your oceansYou'll never see me fall apart(chorus)In the words of a broken heart it's just emotionsTaking me overTied up in sorrowsLost in my soulAnd if you don't come backCome home to me darlin'You know there'll be no body left in this world to hold me tightNo body left in this world to kiss goodnightGoodnight goodnight goodnightGoodnightI'm here at your sideApart of all the things you areAnd you never thought of some one elseYour gonna find you shining star

There i was waiting for a chance hoping that u'll understandthe things i wanna sayAs my loveis stronger than before i wanna see u more and more but you close the doorWhy don't u try to open up your hearti won't take so much of your time.....Maybe it's wrong to say please love me toocoz i know u never dosomebody else is waitin' there inside for you....maybe its wrong to love you more each daycoz i know she's here to stay....but i know to whom you should belong....I believe what u said to me we should set each other free that's how u want it to be....repeat II then chorus....coda:but my love is strong i don't know if this is wrong but i know to whom you should belong........

...marami pa kaso di ko na alam alin ilalagay dito..tama na..magkakape nalang ulit ako..

this really is an attempt to say au revoir

2006-02-24T19:49:00.000+08:00

I CAN'T MAKE YOU LOVE ME

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed Turn down these voices inside my head Lay down with me, tell me no lies Just hold me close, don't patronize (don't patronize me)Cause I can't make you love me if you don'tYou can't make your heart feel something it won'tHere in the dark, in these lonely hoursI will lay down my heart and I'll feel the powerBut you won't, no, you won'tCause I can't make you love me if you don'tI'll close my eyes, then I won't seeThe love you don't feel when you're holding meMorning will come and I'll do what's rightJust give me till then to give up this fight (and I will give up this fight)Cause I can't make you love me if you don'tYou can't make your heart feel something it won'tHere in the dark, in these lonely hoursI will lay down my heart and I'll feel the powerBut you won't, no, you won'tCause I can't make you love me if you don't

actually...i think it's time for me to move on.so im gonna try to. the song is right. you can't make someone love you, if that person does not want to. i cried the last set of tears last night. i told myself im gonna try not to cry anymore. just to clear things though: im happy for you. i really am. just wanna say thank you for making me feel loved...sincerely. and for making me feel that im capable of the kind of love i feel with you. it was exhilirating and inspiring i wish it lasted longer. but nothing lasts forever.if two people cannot be together, that doesn't mean they cannot be together...NOW.

see you in our next lives. and i sure hope next time, there'd be no endings...or might-have-beens....

and then there was last week...

2006-02-21T18:27:00.000+08:00

talk about valentine's!!!..

i went to duty last heart's day with a fever.. (39 degrees). i know!! i shouldn't have. but you see, i got the fever while i was having my duty, not before my duty. the next day...

i thought i was okay so i practiced being a professional nursing stude. guess what?! my skin started to feel flushed at around 6 pm and i had a 38.4 fever...some kindda..

of course i did the next logical thing the next day:absent myself from class. i was absent until friday...
believe me, it wasn't an easy decision. my mom had to nag at me "ano bang kelangan mo habulin sa subject mo eh halos kakambal mo na ung libro na yan ah!"

anyway...im doing okay in med surg so i decided to lay it off for awhile.

and now im back.hehehe

sharing:
interesting though...the whole time i was sick..i was hearing this song for 3-5 times a day...( so that was 4 days in a row..)

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I amBecause you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reachYou gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I amBecause you loved me
I'm everything I amBecause you loved me

one message received

2006-02-05T17:32:00.000+08:00

...kung si che ay merong dalawampung hakbang...meron akong one message received...

akalain mong sa tagal ng pagkakababad ng pwet ko sa tapat ng computer eh makakakita akong ng ganitong artikulo..
sa pey-ups din to..asteeg...sana mabasa nyo rin..
--
1 message received.
opening..."want u 2 knw dat d way i lov u has nvr changd, tym may hav jst blurred it, bt it remains deep in my heart,watevr hapens, il alwys b nluv w/ u..."

I was so scared before by the fact that after he left me, I might not have the will to move on and start life anew.Trying to stand up on my own after six long years of having someone around was the biggest challenge I had to face. If I had a choice then, I would rather have stayed inside my misery; I would rather have lived inside my broken fantasies. But reality nudged me and gave me no choice but to pick up the pieces and muster enough courage to move on. Moving on, like happiness,was really the journey and not the destination. I slowly healed. In my healing, I discovered forgiveness and faith, but never in one second have I lost love for him.

1 message received.
opening..."its a wondr wen u thnk evrythng around u s suddnly at astil, & u thnk evrythng s ovr, u wnt 2 put evrythng bhindden u hear ur heart, u cnt help bt say i lov u stil.."

Life without him around was a completely different universe. In moving on, I even discovered that life is full of new things.Things that I never really saw coming. I have met other people, I have even came to a point when I thought I was ready to fall inlove again. But destiny dictated otherwise.Though I have already accepted in my heart and in my mind that what we had was over,there still was this unseen hand that almost always leads me back to him.

1 message received.
opening..."i hav alwys lovd u,nvr has it changd a bit...its only dcrcumstances around us dat kept me frm tellng u,& showng u dat i stil do...take gud care always,loveu!"

Just when I thought that he had already left me for good, and that what we had would only be a cherished memory that I will just look back to every now and then, I would find out for myself that he still feels the same for me. It literally rocked my world. I silently prayed to God to tell me I am not imagining things. But it was his familiar voice at the other end of the phone, saying "i love you" much like the way he used to. I heard angels singing. But this time, my feet was firmly planted on the ground. Nothing mattered anymore, not the distance between us, nor the doubts that I might still have in my mind, the only thing that mattered is the fact that I still love him. And he still loves me. No conditions, no guarantees. Time has taught me to know when to trust again.

1 message received.
opening..."buti p baby ko,ns LB n nmn.namimiss 2loy kta,snmgksama tau...luvu mch baby, ingat k,tke gud cre h? kainmo n lng me ng corn & bbq sk siomai.luvu...luvu!"

Visiting familiar places always gets me closer to him. I feel him in the wind. In the humming tunes in my head. The old familiar places never looked and felt so good, it's as if we were only here yesterday. I sit in the grassy field and see him running around, laughing in his old goofy ways. I walk through the halls and I imagine my hands firmly clasped in his, even smelling his old cologne in the air. Truly, love knows no distance.

1 message received.
opening..."k lng habibi,jst wnt 2 hear ur voiz lng po.missu n kc...sleep well baby ko,kta tau in ur sweet drms..loveu!alwys eat well & tke gud cre plagi!"

Having late-night phone conversations with him are treasured moments, minutes stretched to eternity as I imagine him just sitting next to me, or lying beside me before I go to sleep. I am amazed how simple joys such as hearing his voice and his laughter makes me the happiest person in the world. I thank God for making me discover that happiness is not just being with the one you love. Happiness is having someone you love love you back the same way.

1 message received.
opening..."iloveu,habibi...sweet mo nmn.miss 2loy kta...always tkegud cre baby,u stil r d best thng dat hapend 2 me...iloveu!"

Time has taught me that love knows no boundaries, nor limits. It made me understand how we are capable of loving someone, not "because of" anything, but "just because". Time has also made me realize that no matter what happens in my life, there will only be a "one true love" I would always go back to.

bare it all...

2006-02-04T15:13:00.000+08:00

okay...

where do i start exactly?..

im having these dreams lately...and then i woke up from them feeling happy...at the same time feeling sad..

unbearable..yes..becoming..but...im happy with it..

u know how it feels when u wanna wake up one morning hoping to see someone by your side...but u know that can never happen...
coz that's just the way things are..

u miss everything about that person...and yes, there are times when all u wanna do is cry and pray and wish things would be better next time..
u start to remember all those times that person was at ur side, when just one word and one hug (and one kiss) would make everything okay for you...
u realize that in one way or another...love will continue to haunt you...no matter how hard u try to shut everything up...no matter how tough u think uv become..

u start opening ur doors...seeing new people...acquiring new attitudes and principles....but one part of you still clamors...
u start to focus on other things...studies, career..party...family...friends..
yet one part of you still longs..

u begin to realize that even in the middle of a "passionate" set-up...
u think of that one person...and no...u can't help it if it's that way..

sleepless nights..
hell yeah..got plenty of 'em..

coz u know when u wake up he's not gonna be there..
u just wish u could talk to someone to ease the pain..but u can't think of any better alternative...than to tell it to that person..

but u know better than to do that..it'll only make things complicated...worse...ul get hurt in the process..

there will always be one person we have to leave behind...then as time passes...u begin to think more about that person...if he/she is okay...if he/she is busy or doing great in life right now..if he/she thinks of u also...

..kung pwede pa kaya...

i guess...no matter what we do...no matter who we love right now..there will always be a part of you loving someone else..then asking what might have been...

P.S.
....time keeps on ticking...at least i know i still have time to live muh life the way i want it...what could possibly undo me permanently?! the big C..possibly...

FoReCaStS....

2006-01-21T11:18:00.000+08:00

okay...i would like to clear one thing though: im not actually a believer of horoscopes...or at least a fanatic of one. but still i can't help but glance at muh predictions once in a while. it's just that when you read your horoscope and something in it tells you it's gonna be a great day for you, you can't help but feel a surge of hope that everything will turn out okay. okay..so here's the stitch...

ARIES
New Year 2006 is a great year for love and romance. From January to March, someone who completely demands your respect will attract a good portion of your attention. Suddenly, you'll be willing to suspend all rules, clean up your act and go out of your way to prove how honorable your intentions are -- just to ensure that you end up with the pleasure of their long-term company.

You may need to make a major decision regarding your job in the year 2006, due to two eclipses, classic harbingers of change. The first eclipse during mid-March, will show you on the road and may make you restless to start looking for other options. By the time the second eclipse comes in late September, you'll be completely ready to pack out your desk. Make sure of your next step before you burn any contacts. 2006 may just hold the ultimate love story for you! A fast and wonderful love affair takes up most of your time this year. Old flames may make it hard for you to break free and escape with your new love. Family and friends won't be any more understanding either. It's the chance of a lifetime to find ultimate happiness with your prince charming. Follow your heart not directions from others!

Major decisions will come easily to you by December, and you won't have to worry about any repercussions either. By New Year 2007, the changes will completely surprise you. Regardless of where you end up -- or with whom -- rest assured that this will be a year to remember and that everything will be just fine in the end.

>>see...there's some hope right?! not that bad...just don't obssess with all those hullabaloos...
anyway..thanks che for the horoscope...

2006...HERE I COME!!

small font size

2006-01-14T11:12:00.000+08:00

at xempre wala talaga aqng panahon mag-maintain ng blog dba? hay..

things have been getting busy in my complicated life lately. between duties and homeworks and family and sleep....frankly, im having a hard time resting.feelling ko marami pa akong dapat gawin kasi wala akong masyadong oras. my sleeping hours are way beyond normal.ampanget na nga raw ng mata q sabi nila mommy.damn eyebags! when i have my first thousand bucks, i'll have them removed pronto!

so imagine how hard it'll be for me to maintain a lovelife?! i tried...but twas really complicated for me..exhausting even.saka na lang...

on the other hand though...i'm beginning to realize ssomething.i just wish i hadn't realized it in the first place.coz i dunno know how to dwell on that fact.

hay..buhay!

takbuhan na..

2005-12-28T11:36:00.000+08:00

---muh sis was telling me "bagay sayo yang kanta ate anne" ...well..the truth hurts yah know..sad..but true...anyway...who cares?! muh time will come...

Tumatakbo
by Mojofly
album: Now (2005)
Laging bigo
Laging sawi sa pag-ibig
Minamalas, o kay sakit
May balat nga ba ako sa pwet?
Mabuti pa ang tindera sa aming kanto
nakakainggit
TL..ang sweet nila ng kanyang nobyo
Gusto ko lang maranasang umibig
Tamaan ni kupido
Gusto ko lang maranasan ang langit
Tumibok muli ang puso ko
CHORUS:
Tumatakbo ang oras naiiwan na ako
ng panahon
Di na nagbago bawat araw
pare-pareho
parang kahapon
Tumatakbo ang oras
May birthday cake ka nga
Ngunit wala namang kandila
May christmas tree na malupet
Wala naman dekorasyong pansabit
Sadyang ganyan ang aking buhay
Walang kasing tamlay
Ayoko sanang tumandang nag-iisa
(chorus)
Tatanggapin na lang ba
Ang malupit na tadhana
O kaya'y tatanggapin na lang ba
Na ako'y sadyang hindi pinagpala
Tigilan na ang drama
Punasan na ang luha

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

they say 06 is a year of transitions and important decisions....let's hope ours will be great!!

rotten system!!!

2005-11-19T12:29:00.000+08:00

ang tagal ng results ng pina-drop kong subject..hay!!!

wanna watch the new harry potter movie...
by hook or by crook...hehehe

anybody wanna come?

yone wanted me to learn how to play bass guitar...still contemplating on whether to buy one or not...

anyway...one bass player up and coming..

better go home now...its way past lunchtime and muh anacondas are gallivanting inside muh tummy...you know muh appetite is..

carefree entry

2005-11-12T11:13:00.000+08:00

when was the last time i posted a carefree entry?! (wag nyo ko tanungin..kaya nga tinatanong ko sa inyo eh!)
since kiko was persistent with the "HAKUNA MATATA" principle..(ei kiko..how's life buggin yah?!) im having a "whatever-comes-to-muh-mind" entry today.

it's the third day of the sem...(yes..i have passed the first sem of the crucial schoolyear) im getting kindda neurotic with the med-surgical. my gulay talaga!!! ang henyo ng mga classmates ko! hindi q alam kung anong utak mron sila at kung ano kinakain nila..pero lhat ng tanong nasasagot nila. haayyy...

and you think i'd be intimidated that easily...me?! pat bautista?!!! hahaha..not a chance pare....
as soon as i got home that first day of classes...i took out all the reference in med-surgical nursing at talagang nag-aral aq hanggang makatulog aq katabi ang volume 1 ni brunner at suddarth...

hmm...watched THE MYTH's advance screening last thursday ... nakakatawa ng konti..ganda ng cinematography...lalo na nung nasa "celestial palace" na sila...asteeg...pag namatay ako gusto q ganun ka-engrande and mausoleum q..hehehe

gimiks...hmm...they can wait...hehehe...im really dead serious with this whole BSN thing...

nga pala....got a new phone.. N3220..kayo na bahala tumingin sa features...basta bagay xa for the season.

CHITCHAT:
friend 1:pansin nyo bang si pat lang ang walang sineseryosong luvlyf sten ngayon?!and to think na sya pa yung mukhang matino sten diba...
friend2: kelan ba nagseryoso yan?! eversince (dot dot dot) eh ganyan na yan...takot nga yan! busy daw...hehehe..if i know..
friend 3: basta sabi nya dati ayaw na muna nya...saka na niya pag-iisipan yan...bawal seryosohan sa knya ngaion...career muna...
(P.S. they thought i WAS asleep)....

anyway...til next post...

2005-10-04T18:59:00.000+08:00

MASHIARA

-p3xa-

(Mashiara: a love that is lost beyond redeeming)

Dazed in the jewels of the placid lake

Mulling over the events of yesterday

And how it reminds me of the way

Stars were arranged in the vast mirror

Within my reach, yet suddenly dissipates

Once my hand lingers

And yes, we are like that

Whoever brought us here in this place

Where ironies thrive abundantly

Took care of the odium growing in me

Killing my soul and my faith

We could be, we could have

Hypotheses would not have to stretch far

Take risks, run light

Let ourselves get what we deserve

Or let this be

Just a replication of what we see

Right there in the still waters

The stars a scoop away

But cannot be grasped

You are someone I can only gaze into

Each time fate pulls you back…

anything but ordinary

2005-10-04T18:56:00.000+08:00

I woke up this morning and I realized how much of me have died. It’s not because of love’s doing…

Were there were moments of sudden gush of inspiration; I now have blank stares due to mental block ness. I used to write poems, short stories…even songs. Yet at present, I could not find the urge to pick the pen and paper, and jot down my thoughts.

I think I just consumed all my passion. At present, I am now this being filled with technicalities- always searching for definitions in everything, trying to be rational in certain phenomena. I wanted to go with the rest of the crowd; I tried to set aside my “indifferences.”

It was only when I had coffee with my friend Marione that it dawned on me I have been neglecting a certain part of me…a part that only few people have the capability to, have the talent to possess. And the awareness left me troubled…at the same time, it stirred in me something, which I have unconsciously obscured.

Ione made me recall that I AM STILL AN ARTIST.

After all, I was first a dancer, then a writer. The volume of sentiments I have expressed through my movements and my words have always been capable of rousing other people’s minds and emotions as well. I used to have that gift.

The thing with artists is that we have our own range of perspective on things. Ordinary people see what is just given; artists look beyond to find the being’s soul. While most of humanity can become judgmental, artists encourage you to bare your soul, inquire on your essence. There are even moments when artists would separate themselves and their thoughts from the rest and zone out into a particular space and era where only we can gain access to…all in the name of electrified ideas, sentiments and inspiration. Which is probably why people would call artists as “wierdos,” or even “autistics.” Most part of us seems unconsumed about reality. Artists work on somethings, which will trigger your thinking and your emotions. We do not attempt to make you sit down while we explain our work. We simply let your imagination create all those interpretation on our works. That is the beauty and justice of our craft…we challenge your psyche and your conventional thinking.

That afternoon with Ione aroused my old self. I know I have deserted its manifestations for so long. The choreography, the words, and now, the rhythm…

Yes…I believe I have deprived myself the luxury of being passionate about things…good thing though…

...old habits die hard.

recovered

2005-09-29T11:51:00.000+08:00

...what was lost can be found....

...what was abandoned can be recovered...

...if twas meant to...

you know how The Alchemist dictates: "if you want something, all the universe conspires to help you get it."

just keep wanting something..or someone that bad...and prove you're worth it...then, just when the eleventh hour ticks...you'll find doors being opened to help you get back on the track...the path meant for you...

so...my theory proved me otherwise....i rest muh case...

muh fave things

2005-09-23T16:46:00.000+08:00

wala lang..la aqng ma=post eh...hehehe

Clenched Soul

We have lost even this twilight.No one saw us this evening hand in handwhile the blue night dropped on the world.I have seen from my windowthe fiesta of sunset in the distant mountain tops.Sometimes a piece of sunburned like a coin in my hand.I remembered you with my soul clenchedin that sadness of mine that you know.Where were you then?Who else was there?Saying what?Why will the whole of love come on me suddenlywhen I am sad and feel you are far away?The book fell that always closed at twilightand my blue sweater rolled like a hurt dog at my feet.Always, always you recede through the eveningstoward the twilight erasing statues.

Saddest Poem

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight. Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance." The night wind whirls in the sky and sings. I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too. On nights like this, I held her in my arms.I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky. She loved me, sometimes I loved her.How could I not have loved her large, still eyes? I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her. To hear the immense night, more immense without her.And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass. What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.The night is full of stars and she is not with me. That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.My soul is lost without her. As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.My heart searches for her and she is not with me. The same night that whitens the same trees.We, we who were, we are the same no longer. I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.My voice searched the wind to touch her ear. Someone else's. She will be someone else's. As she oncebelonged to my kisses.Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes. I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.Love is so short and oblivion so long. Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,my soul is lost without her. Although this may be the last pain she causes me,and this may be the last poem I write for her.

The Question

Love, a questionhas destroyed you.I have come back to youfrom thorny uncertainty.I want you straight asthe sword or the road.But you insiston keeping a nookof shadow that I do not want.My love,understand me,I love all of you,from eyes to feet, to toenails,inside,all the brightness, which you kept.It is I, my love,who knocks at your door.It is not the ghost, it is notthe one who once stoppedat your window.I knock down the door:I enter your life:I come to live in your soul:you cannot cope with me.You must open door to door,you must obey me,you must open your eyesso that I may search in them,you must see how I walkwith heavy stepsalong all the roadsthat, blind, were waiting for me.Do not fear,I am yours,butI am not the passenger or the beggar,I am your master,the one you were waiting for,and now I enteryour life,no more to leave it,love, love, love,but to stay.

----tama na muna..basta..Neruda rocks!!

anyway..narinig q lang to kaninang madaling araw..nakaka-senti...umuulan pa naman.bakit walang girl version nito?!
I want somebody to share Share the rest of my life Share my innermost thoughts Know my intimate details Someone who'll stand by my side And give me support And in return She'll get my support She will listen to me When I want to speak About the world we live inAnd life in general Though my views may be wrong They may even be perverted She'll hear me out And won't easily be convertedTo my way of thinking In fact she'll often disagree But at the end of it all She will understand meI want somebody who cares For me passionately With every thought and With every breath Someone who'll help me see things In a different light All the things I detestI will almost like I don't want to be tiedTo anyone's strings I'm carefully trying to steer clear ofThose things But when I'm asleepI want somebody Who will put their arms around me And kiss me tenderly Though things like this Make me sickIn a case like this I'll get away with it

dapat talaga may girl version...bagay sken..hahaha

CruCif!ed

2005-09-22T13:44:00.000+08:00

People tend to look at dancers like we are these little jewels, little cardboard cut-outs, and yet we have blood and guts and go through Hell.

And you all thought I’m doing perfectly well. You see my smiles, my laughters, my jokes, my perkiness and all…and you assume “wow! She’s one heck of a strong woman!”
But no…I go through shit. Deep shit. If you only look at me straight in the eye…then you’ll know im telling the truth. The thing with being strong is that, the more spirit you manifest, the more whips you’ll be getting. Just like those action movies wherein the villain asks the hero to surrender:
Villain: sabihin mo na samin kasi! Umamin ka na!! Sumuko ka na! (latigo whip)
Hero: ayoko! Kahit ano mangyari hindi ko ibibigay sa inyo! Hindi ako susuko sa inyo! (latigo whip) AH!
Villain: ang tigas ng ulo mo!lalo ka lang naming pahihirapan! Patayin ka nalang kaya naming?!
Hero: kahit pa patayin niyo ako..hindi nyo ako mapapasuko! (latigo whip again)
There…see what I mean. Life takes you as a hostage, it always does. It tests you to your limits. And the sad truth is that, the more you try to be strong, more difficult problems would be thrown at you….the more Life tries to kill you.
It hurts me to see people I love suffer. It kills me to see my family struggling. There are times lately when I’d ask myself if I made the right decision of getting this second degree. I kept on blaming myself it was my fault, and my own selfishness that brought them all to this situation. For the first time, I began to have regrets. I wish things were that simple, one day I’d sleep and wake up to find that I can go back to the past and change what I want to change. Right now, im contemplating on quitting.
I know you know me as someone who’ll fight for her way. Yes, I thought I am…was…also. I was the cheerleader, the optimist, the one who’ll tell people not to lose hope coz the world’s still full of miracles. But somewhere along the way, I got hurt, I was abused, I was beaten harshly by Life. It’s easy to be strong for others. But I can’t be strong all the time. And do you have any idea whom I turn to whenever I feel like breaking down? NO ONE. I tried opening up to friends, but it wasn’t enough. The hole that pain created in me is too deep to be soothed. Nothing, and no one can ever seem to fill the space. At the end of the day, I still feel the ache…I still feel alone and lonely. It’s hard to be strong when you have no one to turn to.
And then there’s love. I have reached this decision: I won’t go through it again. The vulnerability towards someone who can also hurt you at the end- frankly, the happiness we feel in love is not worth all the pains we are getting. Practically speaking, it won’t help me accomplish the things I want to happen. On the contrary, it will only deviate me from my intentions. I don’t need love right now…not ever. Maybe love works for some. But love just isn’t for me. I have loved with all my heart and spirit, I lingered in its truth and “joy” for awhile, I saw the person beyond his own frailties and limits, I loved him unconditionally despite that…. I tried a lot of times, but I still end up bruised. Now tell me: how am I gonna believe in something as impossible and as painful as love?! so to spare myself from more stings, I decided to a remedy, harsh as it may sound: I simply won’t fall in love.
Forgive my pessimism. I apologize for my weakness. My strength reached its toll; my spirit has failed me.i’ve reached past dying

Burn out!

2005-09-14T13:09:00.000+08:00

"I love you more than anything in this world, and you tell me how much you care for me and how much you need me, but I know it's all a lie, because if you cared for me like you say you do, you wouldn't have caused me to stay awake night after night crying over what you put me through. I've been hurt by you so many times, I know it's better for me if I just give up and let you go, but you have been such a large part of me for so long... I don't know if I can make it through this world without you. You not only have captured my heart, but my soul... But I will let you go, and I will move on and maybe one day you will realize I mean as much to you just as much as you have to me, but hopefully by then I won't need you anymore because I already know how that story ends, and to be honest with you I don't think that I would be able to handle the hurt again..."

IKAW.
Ikaw nga.

Pasensya kung bakit kailangan kitang kaligtaan. Diba nasabi ko sa’yo dati na hindi kita iiwan? Mahirap pala gawin yun kung ang isang tao ay dumadaan sa pinagdadaanan ko.
Hindi ko naman sinasadya na ganito mangyari eh. Siguro sa tingin mo pinili ko to. Pero wala akong magagawa.kaya pasensya. Sabi nga ng song of the year mo nung 2004…”BURN-OUT.”

Nakakapgod pala…umintindi sa taong walang pakialam; samahan ang taong hindi marunong magpahalaga; magpahalaga at magmahal sa taong walang pakialam sa nararamdaman ko…

Ang sakit. Ilang beses ko ng inulit sa’yo dba…kung meron lang paraan para ipadama ko sayo itong sakit, panigurado gagawin ko yun. Baka sakaling mauntog ka at maliwanagan ka sa mga ginagawa mo.

Bakit mo tinatanong kung nagsusungit ako? Kung hindi ka manhid, malalaman mo agad yun. Kung hindi ka siguro tatanga tanga…makukuha mo agad bakit. Alam mo bakit ka ngayon nagtatanong? Kasi pagdating sken, paimbabaw lang yung pinapakita mong “pagpapahalaga.” Kasi diba..kung may concern ka sa isang tao, magiging sensitive ka sa mga kailangan at sa nararamdaman niya.kasi mahalaga siya sa’yo. Sana pala dati ko pang nasampal sa sarili ko na hindi naman ako mahalaga sa’yo. Ayan tuloy…ikaw pa ang sasampal nun sken.

Tapos tatawag ka skin sa kalagitnaan ng gabi. Itatanong mo ano mali sa’yo. Bakit parati ka nasasaktan. Sinasabi mo “im dying inside.” Umiiyak ka, tatanong mo kung mali yung ginawa mo.
Sagot ko? Kasi mali yung pinagbibigyan mo ng sinasabi mong pagmamahal. Kasi dati nasa kama ka na…kaso gusto mo pang humiga sa sahig. Tsaka pwede ba, kung nagrereklamo ka dahil namamatay ka na ng dahan dahan…ha! Matagal na akong patay. Simula nung iniwan at sinaktan mo ako..simula nung pinilit kitang intindihin,simula nung nagparaya ako kasi sinabi mo mahal mo sya at masaya ka sa kanya…dun na…nilagay na ako sa mitso.

Ilang beses na rin ako nagtangkang lumayo.pero ilang beses mo rin ako pinigilan. Nung una, natuwa ako, kasi alam ko may halaga pala ako sa’yo kaya ganun na lang. kaso, na-realize ko, iba pala yung halaga ko sa’yo: para may mapagsabihan ka ng mga hinaing mo pagdating dyan sa walang kwenta at isip bata mong syota. Ako naman, masohista yata.sige naman.makikinig.magpapayo.magpapatawa. pero alam mo ba ano yung nangyayari habang kausap kita? Pag sinasabi mo sken na mahal mo siya, na gagawin mo lahat para sa kanya, na hindi mo kaya pag umalis sya…hindi na ako makahinga.sumisikip na dibdib ko.napapapikit nalang ako.tatahimik bigla.at kapag tapos na usapan natin…iiyak ako.iiyak hanggaang makatulog.habang nagdadasal na sana dumating yung araw na maging manhid na ako.

Tutal naman mahilig ka magtanong sken ano mali sa relasyon nyo. Bakit hindi mo subukang itanong naman sa ibang tao kung ano yung mali sa set-up naten? Kwento mo sa kanila lahat. Pakinggan mo yung opinion nila. Pag-isipan mo. Siguro lilinaw lahat sayo bakit ganito na ako ngayon. Bakit nag-iba na ako.

Pagod na talaga ako.sinagad ko na lahat.sumobra pa ako sa dapat.kasi minahal kita eh.pero tao lang ako. Kailangan mahalin ko sarili ko. Sinaktan mo na ako…wala na mababago dun. Sinabi ko sa’yo, wag mo akong galitin.

Hindi ako hihingi ng sorry sa mga kinilos ko. Ikaw ba naman nasa katayuan ko, gagawin mo rin yun. Baka nga umpisa pa lang ginawa mo na yun eh. Pinili ko ito. Mas madaling magsungit at ipalabas na wala akong pakialam…kesa naman ipakita ko pang nanghihina ako. Ayoko na nun. Kasi last time na ginawa ko yun….inabuso lang ako.

in your face

2005-09-10T15:31:00.000+08:00

wala lang...

jaymer apologized for the testi-slash-song...said he didn't intend to label me off as an infidel.all he wanted to say then was he misses me daw.

okay...

ayun...my classmates made me a leader in our RLE class...ayoko pa naman..
masyado kasing matrabaho yun noh! community kami ngayon so i have to run to and fro school and cavite to fix some papers and other requirements.

not to mention meetings..

anyway, this will only be for 6 weeks.after that..wah! sembreak na naman pala!
ayos...

screaming infidelities

2005-09-07T12:59:00.000+08:00

FRIENDSTER UPDATE: new friendster testimonial from koola shaker (aka jaymer)

....PUNYETA!!!! eto ang testi nya!

I'm missing your bedI never sleepAvoiding the spots where we'd have to speak,And this bottle of beastIs taking me homeI'm cuddling closeTo blankets and sheetsBut you're not alone, and you're not discreetMake sure I know who's taking you homeI'm reading your note over againThere's not a word that I comprehend,Except when you signed it"I will love you always and forever"Well As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songsAnd sit alone and wonderHow you're making outBut as for me, I wish that I was anywhere with anyoneMaking out'm missing your laughHow did it break?And when did your eyes begin to look fake?I hope you're as happy as you 're pretendingI am aloneIn my defeat I wish I knew you were safely at homeYour hair, it's everywhereScreaming infidelitiesAnd taking its wear

teka....as far as im concerned..INFIDELITY means...disloyalty dba...
how the heck did that describe me?!

Buhay pa naman ako..

2005-09-04T14:29:00.000+08:00

ayun...kelan nga ba yung last entry q? di q na matandaan...
ang hirap talaga pag medyo nawawalan ka na ng gana sa ibang bagay. kasi naman,dapat binabalik na yung landline namen noh!angan ng tokwa...di aq makapag -emote pag nasa net cafe aq gagawa ng blog eh.! lalo na ngayon.etong katabi q...(lonkatoots yata!) may ka-chat na kano...anak ng pating...naka-earphones na aq at nakikinig ng rock huh...boses pa rin nya naririnig q...walang kwenta..teka..liitan q font..baka makita nya...

ayan...hehehehe...

shemate..ayoko makinig..nagkakasala aq!!!!

hahahahaha

ayun..ktatapos lang ng midterms q. dalawang araw lang.dapat nga kahapon after ng exams pupunta kaming laguna ng mga kada q..alam niyo na..unwind. kaya lang nagkagulo kami sa bahay. in short.di kami natuloy.

pumunta nalang aq sa mall kasama ng frend q nung highschool..kain kami sa tokyo tokyo..(kasi prang na-miss q ang pagtambay dun), paglabas namin ng tokyo tokyo,nakita namin sa katabi nyang pizza hut yung band na HALE..aysus! keber naman aq dba...

ang gwapo pla sa personal ng bokalista nila.xa nga lang ung mukhang matino dun eh.hehehe.

ayun,tapos nanood kami ng sine.after ilang months..ngayon lang ulit aq nakatapak sa sinehan. nood kami ng "THE CAVE".hmm..ayos lang naman yung movie.ayos lang. un lang.
ay eto pala! nanood kami tapos may tumabi smen na 2 totoy..este lalake.haha! peste..napaka-ingay! alam mo yun...papampam! gusto q nga kausapin eh "hello...ano name mo? would u care to shut up?! we can't understand the movie coz of ur blasted voice!" peste talaga..some people are so...

------==========-----------
last tuesday pala...punta aqng Molino..nag-jamming session kami ng mga kaibigan q sa ibang section.tapos nung gabi na yun,pumunta naman aq sa bahay ng highschool kada q sa don galo.guess why? baby shower kasi...as in baby niya. grabe noh!!! manganganak na xa nagyong september.

time flies REAL fast!
dati debut debut lang pinupuntahan namen.ngayon kasalan,baby shower,binyagan....hay...
nakaktuwa rin na may mga kanya kanyang lovelives na mga kaibigan q.smen kasi dati,parang aq yung pinakamalandi..heheh...as in never aq nauubusan ng lovelife.tapos ngayon...ayun...zit.

------=========-----------
nagbasa pala aq nga libro....sale kasi sa national dba..naku,pagkakita q nung book ni paulo coelho na "eleven minutes," binili q na agad!
okay nga yung book eh.kaso na-shock lang yung kaibigan q nung nabasa nya yung likod ng libro

charm:pat!ano ba yang binabasa mo?! prostitute xa?! palpak xa parati sa love so she decided to become a prostitute?! baka maging ganyan ka huh!
pat: ano ka ba?! magaganda nga yung views nya sa life at sa love eh. ala mo yun..masasapol ka talaga.

nasapol aq kasi ganun yung pananaw q sa buhay....
ganun din kasi aq pagdating sa love.
peste! ang galing ni paulo coelho!!!!

btw, wonder why eleven minutes title? kasi...the act of copulating, all in all...once u get in heat...takes only 11 minutes..

asteeg noh!

butterflies

2005-08-15T17:42:00.000+08:00

i have decided...

to become numb.
because it is the only way i can think of...to live.
either that...
or i join in the play.

anyway...brace urselves...the party gurl is back!!

heard tori amos' song "sleeping with butterflies?"
feeling q para sken yun...

Airplanes take you away again
Are you flying above where we live?
Then I look up a glare in my eyes
Are you having regrets about last night?
I'm not
but I like rivers that
Rush in so then I dove in
Is there trouble ahead
for you the acrobat?
I won't push you
unless you have a net
You say the word you know
I will find you
or if you need some time
I don't mindI don't hold onto the
tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you know
but I believe I'm worth comin' home to
only sleeps with butterflies
with butterflies
with butterflies
with butterflies
So go on and fly boy

....yeah..i believe im worth coming home to....

what's the difefrence between a good girl and a nice girl?
a good girl goes to a party,goes home, and goes to bed
a nice girl goes to a party, goes to bed, then goes home...

it pays to be a lil bit bad sometimes huh..hahaha

comeback....

2005-08-10T17:10:00.000+08:00

when was the last time i had a post?! can't actually remember.between that and now...andaming nangyari...
...ayun...things sure get a lot complicated as you get older. financially,morally,emotionally...
...lalo na pag love ang pinag-uusapan.

ang gulo gulo noh?!

most of the time,you have no idea how in the world are you going to survive another new day.but you know that you have to make it at the end. and as you go on through the day, you can't help but wonder about stuffs:

bakit kailangan mo pa ma-in love...bakit hindi na lang kung sino yung para sayo,sya nalang yung makilala mo...

ano na kaya ginagawa ng ex mo? there are urges of texting him...but then...what for? ano pa sasabihin mo eh tapos na kayo? ano pa dapat pag usapan?!

ang gulo talaga...

may times na akala mo kayang kaya mo na...may times na feeling mo strong ka na...tapos biglang darating yung oras na malulungkot ka..kasi alam mo mag-isa ka lang.iba pa rin syempre pag may taong nag-aalaga tsaka nagpapaalala sayo na mahal ka nya dba..

tapos..akala mo okay ka na..kasi napapansin mo na ang ibang mga tao...u go out...you have fun with that person...
pero alam mo naglolokohan lang kayong dalawa.kasi kahit anong ikot at denial ang gawin mo...yung taong hindi mo kasama,yung taong iniwan ka..yun pa rin yung naiisip mo.OUCH! yun yung nakakainis dun dba..

minsan,gusto mo siyang kausapin,kasi nakakamiss yung mga ginagawa niyo dati...
pero minsan..iisipin mo rin...lalo ka lang masasaktan.tapos maiisip mo.."watdaheck!!" mahal mo sya eh...feeling mo martyr ka at kaya mong kayanin lahat...

pero di naman puro sacrifice ang love dba...

ewan q...siguro pagod na rin aq...siguro iba yung nakikita ng mga tao sken...

pero hindi aq ganun pag aq nalang...kaya ayoko mag-1...
kaya kahit maputol na litid ng nanay q kakagalit sken dahil masyado aqng ma-gimik...
tuloy pa rin aq..
isa lang naman ang reason q kaya q nagagawa yun eh..
ayoko mag-isip na kahit ano na ikasasama ng loob q...
gusto q yung tipong pagdating q sa bahay..tulog nalang...tapos kinabukasan..magmamadali paalis ng bahay...
at least di q maiiisip na ganito..na ganun...na masakit...

sana ganun lang kadali ang buhay noh..sana ganun kadali tumakas...

..sana ganun rin kadali pag nagmagmahal at pag nasaktan...

for him

2005-07-22T10:28:00.000+08:00

i guess i wass too dense not to notice,
that this is the last time
you would want me to be in your life.
though i remain clueless,
and my whole soul clamors for your discourse.
but if you want things to remain this way
i'll respect you.

this really is the last time.

the last night i'll spend the lights off and crying.
the last night i'll kneel at my bedpost and pray.
the last night i'll ask Him to mend things between us.
the last night i'll stop hoping.
the last night i'll cease to yearn.

the last night i'll tell that i love you.

but we both know that
this isn't the last night
i stopped loving you.
and it won't end tonight.

though i've let you go...

trying not to think too much

2005-07-20T10:25:00.000+08:00

prelims week has begun...and im too sick to stay up studying for a long time. i woke up at 8 am and attempted to review but heck...my eyes began to droop after 10 mins...

...i finished studying...2 hours...

actually,i've been studying the same stuffs for 2 weeks already.i did a re-re-review...gets?!

i'll let u know how i fared with the exams...

one more thing: i've finally developed the ability to go mentally blank whenever i begin to start thinking of...him...and love.that a good sign?!

went with mah friend charm yesterday at the mall.went to shop for a good bag since the bag im using "broke down" after all the weight it's been carrying (1 drug handbook,1 NANDA,stetho,BP app,and other stuffs...)
why in the world are there soooooo many lovebirds!!!! charm was close to laughing so hard since i was really hmmm.....cynic of all those couples gallivanting at the mall.

hay...must recover quickly....

abruptly..

2005-07-15T00:24:00.000+08:00

just got home from booze sessions and some quality jammin' time with friends..my biceps kindda ache since it's been eons since i last touched drumsticks...i guess i just needed something to release my negativity...

btw...am now posting from my computer..yahoo!!!!hehehe..

anyway,che texted me in the middle of the jammin' and told me that "biglaan" by 6cycle mind fitted my situation..."bagay na bagay"..hehehe as che put it.

so..after browsing for the lyrics...here goes..

Nandito nakaukit pa rin sa puso ko Na sabihin mong wag na lang Nandito nakatatak pa rin sa isip ko Kung paano mo tinalikuran ang lahat Kay bilis Bat umalis Nakakamis Nabigla lang Di ko man lamang nalaman na mawawala Nabigla lang Di mo man lang naisip na idahan dahan Di ako sanay sa biglaan Unti-unti na lang sana nawala Hindi ba natin kayang magkunwari At sabihing sige na lang Hindi ba natin kayang dayain Ang mga yakap sa tuwing lumalamig Kay bilis Bat umalis Nakakamis Nabigla lang Di ko man lamang nalaman na mawawala Nabigla lang Di mo man lang naisip na idahan dahan Di ako sanay sa biglaan Unti-unti na lang sana nawala ..

teka che...i also listened to "tell me" kanina...

"why did...it had to end so soon...when u said that u would never leave me.
tell me..where did i go wrong? what did i do to make u change ur mind completely?"

dba bagay rin? hay....life life life....

eRRaTum...

2005-07-12T11:32:00.000+08:00

i made it to school earlier than the lunchdate sked...so i decided to post again...

i like to make one thing clear though: i still love him.so much. but i also realized that in order to survive, i have to stop hoping.

stop hoping that the next time my phone beeps or rings,it'll be him. stop hoping that at the end of the day, i'll see him waiting for me and wanting to clear things up. stop hoping that if i am really that important to him, he'd do any means to let me know he's doing okay, that i don't have to worry.

for the life of me, i can't find any excuse why he wouldn't be able to reach me during the pastfewdays....watdahell is wrong?!

im tired of crying...i want to hold on...

...but will there still be him for me to fight for?

i wish i could becomeimpervious to this pain. but then,if ive become impervious to pain, i'd be impervious to other emotions as well- like happiness,surprises...and love.

i tried to call him...text him...even left him a pm...but to no avail...he didn't return any of my calls.

and so im left hanging...

but just like what ive told my friend.."di na ako aasa..mahal ko lang talaga sya..."

left hanging

2005-07-11T17:38:00.000+08:00

my pc broke down a month ago...which definitely explains why i was absent from the cyber world the past few weeks. so to all those wpndering what i have been up to lately...

capping just fininshed last saturday...im now an official nursing student.school's okay....im kindda doing things in a breeze now...im enjoying the duties,the studying...ayt then...call me a nerd..but a girl's gotta learn...hehehe

last week. was... melancholic.u know when you want to believe otherwise...and u want to fight for something..or someone...but...he's just not there.and u have no idea how to find out if he still cares..if he still feels for you..darn!! it's hard...being in this...left hanging around...clueless..hurt..confused..unworthy...unloved.

am i right to feel this way? i really don't have any idea.that's how clueless i am.that's how uncertain i've become.im torn between wanting to hold on and define any reason...wheher or not it becomes plausible...to wanting to get mad for treating me this way..

i hate the feeling of me waking up each day knowing something's wrong...and im left in the middle of a big enigma...no return calls...no texts..no emails...no means of knowing if he still cares,if he still loves me..and most importantly..if he's still doing okay.call me demanding...but when u really care and love someone...u have this urge to see to his welfare,to make him feel protected,u have this urge to be with him...even if it meant,giving up a part of time for urself...

okay...im not gonna cry..not here...not now...ive cried last nyt..enough to make me sleep the whole day...enough to make me pop some meds for the headache..enough to make me want to stay at home...

but then..life has to go on right? as hard as it sounds...and as painful as knowing you were threated as someone insignificant.

am currently OL with my friend Karla Tecson..and she just allowed me to read this letter...which i felt related to...in some of the parts...(grabe Karla..u did a bull's eye!) i could have said these thoughts myself...it's just that im still trying to figure out and arrive at things in black and white...so here goes exceprts from her letter...(thanks gurl!)

"Technically, this relationship has been over, maybe more on your part. Or maybe for you, there really was no relationship to begin with — maybe I fooled myself into thinking that we really were a couple...
It’s like you lived in two different eras…two different worlds. The first happened during that break. You met someone whom you can talk stuff with. You liked each other. She became your girlfriend. Everything was picture-perfect.
Then came in the second era, the second world. In this time, and in this world, that girl doesn’t exist. Or maybe she does, but she doesn’t mean that much to you.

Maybe that’s having the best of both worlds for you. Unfortunately, that girl is only living in only one time, and in only one world. So she’s confused, and found it hard to understand...

But I also know that if you feel strongly for one person, you will find a way to make her feel secure, and still go on with your own life. It’s not easy, I know that, but that’s the price you pay. Evidently, you don’t feel that strongly for me to do that.
You know how honest I am, and how I say what I want to say, irregardless of how it would make look like a fool. So I’m telling you now: I cried over you, and over what happened. I was upset. I was hurt. But can you blame me?

I’m the type of person who will give everything for someone I love, so I expect the same. Apparently, you can’t reciprocate what I can give. ..
But I want you to know, the period before this fallout had been one of the best things that happened to me. I’m not going to deny that. It was really good while it lasted.
...You have to know if you really love the person before saying you do, because that other person, most probably, will take your word for it, just like I did."

weak

2005-06-04T11:26:00.000+08:00

--i don't know what it is that you've done to me....
met with my uste friends last night...went soundtrippin at suburbia..woah!!gig pala ni nyoy...latest discovery...taga-dito pala smen ung isang bandmember ng mannos...hahaha! no wonder he looks familiar! we had fun...nyoy is a great singer. kaya lang naisip q..ayoko magkaron ng boyfriend na kasing galing niya kumanta..parang babae ang boses...haha!

--but its got me to act in such a crazy way...
saw jaymer last night at malate..ay...this morning na pala..haha!! *kilig moment* hahahaha!!

--whatever it is that you do,when you do what ur doing..its a feeling i don't understand...
he said i was being insensitive and all...but hell no!!! and i feel so happy...i really have no idea how to put it..(wow...for someone who has a way with words...im getting tongue-tied right now...) there's always a first time for everything...and heck! yesterday was definitely a first time...basta...

teka...how can you exactly describe a feeling that's undescribable?!

--coz my heart starts beating triple time,with thought of loving you on my mind. i can't figure out just what to do when the only cure is you...
i thought earlier "if there's a will,there's a way..if there's no will...drop it..nothing would happen.."
hehehe...i guess both of us have wills huh...

--i get so weak in the knees i can't hardly speak i lose all control and something takes over me...it's not a phase i want you to stay with me.by my side i swallow my pride..your love is so sweet it knocks me right off of my feet..
jaymer's really a sweet guy...haaayyyy *kilig moment* and a gentleman huh...promise...natutuwa aq...basta..ang saya q...heck! i seem to speak nonsense but i know u understand me...

--can't explain y ur loving makes me weak...
i know y....im in love...hook.line.and sinker.

P.S.....next time na yung details ng malate with friends...hehehehe...

=========>bRoKeN

2005-05-28T16:44:00.000+08:00

"But to stand with you in a ring of fire

I’ll forget the days gone by

I’ll protect your body and guard your soul

From mirages in your sight..

If that’s the only place where you can leave your doubts

I’ll hold you up and be your way out

And if we burn away,

I’ll pray the skies above

For snow to fall on the sahara.."

there are things in our lives that bother us, no matter how hard we try to be unaffected. when we have so far succeeded in building a fortress to guard our vulnerable souls. there are times when we think we have achieved the person we have always wanted to become, only to find out no one's perfect. it's hard to live your life, when there are masses loving and caring for you, yet deep down, you feel an unexplainable emptiness. a void that can never be filled, but can be soothed only by crying. so you try to be with people more often, you take all your time listening to them, observing them, mingling with them. and for awhile, the pain and the undefinable emptiness subsides. you begin to frown on the long nights spent in silence, because you know these are the moments when the vacuity grows and swallows you whole.yes, there are times these things happen.

you start to stop thinking. the more you think, the more you feel the emptiness. the more it grows into pain. people see you as someone they can lean on and be with when they sense the call of weakness...but you ask yourself, whom do you turn to when the same sentiment rushes onto you?

yes, there are times these things happen.

and no matter what effeort you put up to support the fortress around you, one thing will always be capable of crumbling it down. leaving you no choice but to deal with the feeling of helplessness and vulnerability. ironic, when people tell you its the only thing capable of making you strong. perhaps for some, but not for all...

not for me...at least..for now...at least...

star wars

2005-05-26T15:56:00.000+08:00

ive been hearing thunder since i got home from school...darn...if it'll rain let it come! nothing could be better than snuggling on my bed..hehehe

i watched the latest star wars movie yesterday with emar and ailil. apparently, ailil already watched the movie a couple of times before yesterday.take note: she was the one who invited me to go to the movies. she wanted to internalize anakin skywalker's role...(teka..was it anakin's role or the movie that she wanted to internalize?!) wasn't quite sure about that. but i was raving about anakin's metamorphosis yesterday...hayden christensen is HOT! goodness..i was practically salivating when i saw him half-naked on the screen!

ailil: eto na pat3..prepare urself for this scene..
moi: why? what's with the scene?!
(anakin wakes up from a bad dream...pectoralis major a.k.a chest was exposed)
moi: good God! what a chest!!!
(then anakin stands up..revealing the 6-pack abs)
moi: >>>>salivating....brain was signaling heart to beat wildly..
ailil: ang gwapo nya noh?! ang ganda ng katawan!! shiyet!!!

hayyyy...even if i couldn't understand the movie..i really really really appreciate that scene..

after that, we went to eat at mcdonald's. amidst the munching and laughing, and mooning over hayden...the three of us got into some serious discussion about letting go, growing up, doing what u wanna do vs. what's practical,

hay...and now we're worrying about jobs, families, babies, husbands, serious relationships...

but im not gonna blab on it for now...

i just posted to say yoda rocks! obi wan kenobi lost his british accent, padme's dresses are soooo gorgeous...and anakin skywalker is definitely tempting!!!!

the battle scenes were also incredible! better watch it with a dolby...

pRoUd To Be a ThOmasIaN

2005-05-25T10:27:00.000+08:00

i read a post from our yahoogroups...mang solis just passed away last monday.poor soul...(yes ailil,if you're reading this...as in mang solis a.k.a AB guard who we used to quarrel because he was being a nuisance when we lined up for interview and after that, everytime we go inside the AB bldg...)
even if he was a pain sometimes, hay....AB won't be AB without that big polar bear guarding the gates of the building. i remember he would always scold me to pin my ID. (FYI: i never wear my ID..hehehe) ad i would always get into quarrel with him because most of the schooldays, i would come to class wearing civilian clothes. (FYI #2: i have my own schedule of washdayS..reason? "manong sige na...kagagaling ko lang po sa training tsaka sobrang lukot na yung uniform ko...")

another group email sent by gaudiano:

YOU'RE A THOMASIAN IF...
...you're a thomasian if you enjoy attending meetings.
one Thomasian had this experience in one of their mancom meetings wherein all the managers who attended were all ust graduates! the lasallians, atenistas, and up graduates were absent! - weird but true!
...you think that the UAAP is not all about basketball, however, when we're in the winning streak, its all about BASKETBALL! (personally, i think UAAP is all about the cheering competition..hehehe)
...you're the most resourceful and the moderate-type in the workplace (well, it figures...)
...you write better english and you criticize those who are having a hard time writing in english. (ay nako! i can very well relate to this!)
...you just give a grin everytime people talk about schools especially when the topic is about top universities and UST is not included in the topic. (it's all about giving them a flashy smile, like my i-know-something-u-don't-know smile)
...you think that these people (#4) missed half of their life. (sobra!!)
...you love your school but hate a lot of your professors. (not really all...just a couple of my theology professors)
...you were forced to sleep in school because the streets inside and outside are flooded. (eto ang di ko naranasan..unang patak palang ng ulan pinapasundo na ako ng mommy ko eh..hehe)
...(in relation to above fact), you always have alipunga. (huh?! never had...)
...you can say this in one breath everytime someone asks you: "Where did you graduate?", and you can answer this in less than 60 seconds: "The Royal and Pontifical University of Santo Tomas, the Catholic University of the Philippines,founded in 1611, the oldest university in Asia." (this i still have to practice)
...you're surprised that classrooms in UST now have air-conditioning. (nah..naabutan ko to eh)
...you know how to parallel park in tight spaces. (oh..my driver does..hahaha)
...you witness a suicide or a suicide attempt inside the campus. (i just heard...anong koneksyon nito sa pagiging thomasian?!)
...you still know by heart 731-3101 (trunkline) (never fails esp pag bumabagyo..)
...you know that UST produced three Philippine presidents: Quezon,Macapagal, and... sino nga pala yung isa? (sino yung isa?)
...hindi mo kilala kung sino-sino yung mga statues sa Main Building (all i know are the virtues faith,hope and charity)
...you try to correct people who says yellow is the official color ng UST. It is gold not yellow. (korek! BLack GOLD black white nga eh!)
..."wala lang" and "yun lang" are common expressions (huh?! i don't get this..)
...you can stand harassment from security guards bless his soul..)
...you seldom complain or you seldom speak-out or you were never vocal about what you feel and think unless asked (huh?! teka...AB stude ako...i was trained to do the opposite)
...naligaw ka the first time you went inside the campus. (nah uh...since nakatira lang ako sa tabi g uste dati..alam ko na pasikot sikot dun)
...you're used to wearing uniforms. (uhmm..read topmost entry)
...you can walk through flooded streets. (yuck!!!!!)
...you can sing the UST Hymn (ah syempre..)
...you're good in basketball. (shooting ba pede?!)
...you wake up early to get a good parking spot.(nah uh...may sarili rin pala akong schedule..hehehe)
...guys: you had a gf/fling from AB, Commerce, or CFAD (CAFA), (EDUC anyone? hehe)
...girls: you had a bf/fling from Science,Medtech/Pharmacy, or PT (mas madami guys sa Eng'g ah!!! tsk tsk tsk)
...you have pirated "xeroxed" text books. (hahahahahahaha!!)
...you used to eat at Lopez Canteen (yeah...)
...you had Hepa A. (nge..wala noh!)
...(in relation to above fact) you have immunity from Hepa A. (ah eto tama..)
...you hate Aric del Rosario (but adore him everytime we win...but still hate him) (actually..im apathetic)
...you always attend the Paskuhan (i miss this!)
...you have visited the Museum of Arts and Sciences (oo naman noh..)
...you believe that when you walk under the Arch of the Centuries, you would go to another dimension (uhm..no...but i used to believe if ever i shouted while walking under the arch, the arch would crumble down..heheh)
...your car's windshield is margined with UST Stickers (syempre..)
...you have a UST PE Uniform. (best if you have that very short yellow shorts) ) required kasi)
...you and your partner were able to "make out" at the Tinoko Park (during the night, of course) (hahahaahaahahahahahaha!!! di lang kaya sa tinoko maraming nagm _make out!)
...your UST ID has 3 pages. (teka...napaisip ako dito..)
...your have a collection of The Varsitarian. (at least those issues during your stay in UST) (i still have!)
...you have a "Vuisitarian". (ditto!)
...you hate students from La Salle (but you have friends there) (they're so conio!!)
...you can explain why the statue Father Benavides is posed that way. (nakaturo kasi sa FEU..)
...you unconsciously show your ID everytime you enter any building (or even malls!) (goodness!! victim ako dito!!)
...you know that St. Thomas the Aquinas is not the founder of UST. (malamang....)
...you can tell which is the santisimo rosario parish and which is the main bldg. (asus!!)
...you thought January 28 and August 8 is really a holiday (uhmm...sana nga eh)
...you can walk through the overpass in espana without fear (haha! manilenia toh no!)
...you know your prayers more than your national anthem (ay..hindi naman)
...you know how many statues there are in front of the central library, and you know how many of them are standing and how many of them are kneeling down (kindda...)
...you are fashionably updated (no...but i have my own fashion...)
"GOD OF ALL NATIONS! MERCIFUL LORD OF OUR RESTLESS BEING SWEEP WITH YOUR GOLDEN LILIES! THIS FOUNTAIN OF PUREST LIGHT!"
"BLACK GOLD BLACK WHITE!!!!"

darn! i miss ust!! i miss the afternoons by the field watching the soccer players and the joggers...i miss the 6-storey library...i miss the kainans around the campus...i miss the AB pavillion...i miss my friends...i miss the paskuhan...i miss the catwalk..the lovers' lane...

i miss who i was back then...not that im not happy with who i am now... but i have always considered uste to be my niche...hmm..maybe i'll visit the school before school starts...

"GO USTE!!!!"

a foreigner's guide to daily pinoy conversations =)

2005-05-23T12:59:00.000+08:00

These are the words that are so unique and loaded in meaning that they will never find a direct translation in the English language. Forget traditional dictionaries. Keep this!!!
1. Achuchu (A-chu-chu). This refers to the pointless insinceritiesbeing said during long, involved conversations about nothing at all.

2. Ano (A-noh) The all-around, all-purpose word for everything.
(1) Pronoun in interrogation: Ano? (What)
(2) Noun: Where is your ano? (Where is your father/mother/ dead-uncle's-second-cousin)
(3) Verb: Anuhin this. (Paint/kill/maim/castrate this.)
(4) Adjective: This is so ano. (This is so pretty/big/astounding.)
(5) Interjection: Ano! (What the hell!)
(6) Substitute for genitalia: Did you ano your ano?
The use of ano is quite dangerous for the untrained ear, and must be putinto the proper setting. "Honey, the ano is too long, we have to cut it,"must be accompanied by the proper understanding of the context,as results may be critical to a couple's future.

3. Booba (boo-bah). A female blessed with larger than usual mammaryglands,which can be used as weapons of mass destruction.

4. Checheboreche (Che-che-boh-re-che) Same as achuchu. It is interestingtoponder on the reason why there are so many words in the Filipinolanguage that beautifully describe meaningless chatter.

5. Epal (Eh-pal). An individual who believes he is God.

6. Gigil (gee-gil). An uncontrollable desire to bite something.

7. Hipon (Hee-pon). Literally "shrimp," whose body is eaten while its headis thrown away, this refers to a female whose body is to die for and whoseface looks like it belongs to the dead.

8. Kikay (kee-kay). Refers to individuals who carry a brush, hand wash,moisturizer, lip-gloss and various other facial enhancements in a case(aptly called a kikay kit) inside her bag. Recent inspections of variousbackpacks have led to the conclusion it is not a purely female trait. Thisbreed cannot resist checking themselves out on mirrors, glass windows,bread knives, sidewalk puddles and plastic-covered notebooks.

9. Kaekekan (Ka-ek-e-kahn) Same as achuchu and chechebureche.

10. Kilig (keel-leg). A rush of excitement due to the actions, presence oreven mention of he whom you see as the future father of your children.

11. Laglag-brip (lag-lag-brip). The female counterpart of laglag-panti

12. Laglag-panti (lag-lag-pan-tee). A man so incredibly hot, soheart-stoppinglygorgeous and oozing with masculinity that female underwear (whether wornby males or females) falls to the ground without effort whatsoever.

13. Indyanero (In-jan-neh-ro). An individual who fails to appear at anappoi! ntment without prior warning. Not to be confused with individualswho appear according to Filipino time (approximately 10 minutes before themeeting is to end)

14. Japorms (Jah-porms). Describes an individual dressed differently fromthe usual (typically involves clothes that have been laundered and pantlegsof roughly the same length).

15. Lagot (Lah-got) A prophesy of evil things to come.

16. Para (Pah-rah). A term that informs the driver of a jeep to stop andpause (usually in the middle of the road) as the individual speakingintendsto leave the vehicle. Dangerous for individuals as drivers seem to believehaving one foot in the air is all that is necessary for descent.

17. Takusa (Ta-kuh-sa). ! Derived from takot sa asawa (afraid of wife),thisis a term used to describe the silent (very silent) minority of malesmarried to feminine reincarnations of Hitler.

18. Torpe (tore-peh). A gentleman who is desperately attracted to a femaleyet by some strange compulsion is reduced to a frozen mound of stutteringmale whenever that female is near.Armed with this list and a smile, you will be sure to make the properimpression not just on your new relations, but on your loved one as well.

Now let's practice:

"Honey, when I first saw you, I made laglag brip, and was almost torpe.WhenI finally got the nerve to date you, I almost became indyanero, because Ididn't think I had the right japorms. When y! ou're around, I'm kilig,whenyou're not, I get gigil. You may think all this is achuchu, kaekekan, justchechecoreche, but in truth, my love, I'm so ano with you."

heart in hand

2005-05-17T10:49:00.000+08:00

just got home from a weekend at my friend's place in laguna.my friends and i went there sunday morning and they left at 5 am yesterday.i didn't go home with them.i stayed until 6 pm...then went home.wala lag..i felt like staying,wala pa ako sa mood umuwi.feling ko kasi pag uwi ko,kelangan ko na naman pag-isipan ang buhay ko.
i've been thinking about my life for the past two weeks.ewan ko kung bakit.siguro kasi pakiramdam ko,things didn't go as what i've planned. 20 years of my life,i've planned it in a way that i'll eventually be in a law school.tapos all of a sudden...eto na...BSN.but i don't regret the move though.nga lang..naiisip ko...dapat tinutulungan ko na lang mommy ko ngayon...tapos na ako ng journalism..dapat trabaho na ako.kaso...yun.

anyway..masaya naman sa laguna.nag-rent kami ng videoke kaya mula 8 pm hanggang 3 am...talagang kantahan kami! wala na yata akong ngala ngala!haha.tapos di ko na kinaya..kasi simula ng sabado ng gabi gumimik na ako.kaya di ko nakaya ang dare ng kada na walang tulugan.tulog ako ng 3 am..wala akong pakialam!haha. puro kain ako.kaya lang..nakakahiya naman..pag napuno yung tyan ko..ay nako...wala na!kaya dapat hinay hinay.inom inom na nga nun eh...to the point na nauumay na ako sa lasa ng red horse.tama ang nabasa niyo! umiinom na rin ako ng beer.di na ako nalalasing.haha!

nung hapon pala...meron kasing bundok sa may makban.dun sa tabi ng geothermal site.syempre inakyat ko yun! edurace test nga kami. 5 kaming naglakad paakyat.yung iba naming mga kasama...nag-revo paakyat.haha! grabe ang pawis ko...dun ko na-feel na tao ulet ako! na-miss ko yung pagod na ginagawa ko dahil sa exercise at training.tinatawanan nga lang ako ng kada kong lalake.ako kasi nauuna sa kanya paakyat.tapos naka-thong ako.syempre nahalata diba...grabe...ang sasaya ng mga loko!

ayoko na muna mag-post masyado tungkol sa love...medyo confused ako ngayon eh.confused di dahil pinag-iisipan ko kung love ko talaga sya o hindi.alam na alam ko na sagot dun.mahirap lang talaga pag di mo alam kung ano papel mo sa buhay niya.

tama naman diba..kung importante ka sa tao...tsaka kung totoo nga sinsasbi nya..gagawin nya lahat para ipakita sayo na consistent talaga at sincere sya.ganun kasi paniniwala ko.kasi ganun ako.

di ko lang alam kung tama yung ganung belief.

hay...diba sabi ko ayaw ko na pag-usapan yan!peste!

dreams

2005-05-12T10:12:00.000+08:00

countdown: last three days of summer classes! woohoo!!! sunday,im out of the metro.my friends were all planning to go to laguna for two days.sounds fun...can't wait til sunday.after all my vasodilated nerves...i needed a time off!
must call angel to schedule our libis-slash-malate night.i just wanna know if im still capable of having fun.hahaha!
anyway...i got to browse this dream interpreter site.might as well take advantage noh?!

PREGNANCY If physically pregnant, then it most often refers to this, and the fears, hopes, attitudes, desires, ideas and physical condition regarding it. It can also symbolise the development of some new approach to life, new outlet of expression, or new faculty. If you are pregnant, don't be too worried by anxiety dreams about the baby. Virtually all women have them. Only get worried if they persist. A scan can quickly see if you are anxious or intuitive.
CAR Cars are such an enormously important and frequent part of modern life they represent all manner of things. But they are particularly representative of your ability to move around or your power to direct your life and make choices.
They also depict the ambitions, attitudes and care, or lack of it that drive you in life. The manner in which you make your way through life of course involves you in countless relationships of various sorts. So the car is again a symbol of such meetings and partings. But car dreams may also relate to the business of driving your actual vehicle in everyday life, and the manner in which you do so. Therefore some car dreams may warn you of attitudes you have that are dangerous, not just in relationships, but actually on the road. Someone else driving: You might be is a passive or learning relationship with the person driving. Or maybe you are being influenced by their opinions or emotions. Reversing: Sense of not getting anywhere; feeling that you are slipping backward, reversing a decision or changing direction.
COIN Sometimes a coin has similar symbolism to circle. This may represent something you value, so can have a very wide significance. For instance two gold coins, in one person's dream represented his twin sons, who were of great value to him.
Anything to do with money may suggest worries about finance, or an intuition of good fortune.
CANDLE This often associates with the penis.(goodness!!!hahahaha!) It is also a symbol of wisdom and understanding.
Lighting a candle: Sometimes this suggests the birth of someone, or prayer. It may portray the dispelling of difficult emotions - the darkness.
CAKE Pleasure and sensual satisfaction. It might even relate to childhood pleasure, or rewards. See: Food (okay..let's look at food...)
FOOD This can represent anything you depend on to sustain or strengthen you mentally or physically. To eat excessively may represent a hunger for affection, self confidence, sex, recognition. It may hide a fear or feeling of loneliness and emptiness. It can also denote the things you experience.
In eating we digest what we take in. so food can show you what you are taking in to yourself emotionally, intellectually or physically.
The reaction to what you eat shows what is happening to you from what you are absorbing. Something might sicken you for instance, or make you strong. Food is the building material of the body, and can be the symbol for experience, which is the building material of your personality or mind.
FALL/FALLEN/FALLING/FELL Most often this illustrates some threat that has arisen in your life from such things as uncertainty or loss of a relationship, money, work or death of a close contact. What happens in the dream illustrates you drop in confidence, or your feelings of falling from power, grace, love. Maybe you have lost certainty, and so get the sinking feeling of the fall. It could even suggest falling in love, or the fear of not being in control.DOG In general the dog in your dream represent strong feelings or urges that are only slightly socialised or proper. If you have loved dogs and been loved by them, then it can depict this love or caring given or received.
Because the dog features in so many ways in dreams, you have to consider the context in your dream. So it may represent faithfulness, doggedness, a dirty dog, or unclean feelings or urges, usually of sexual nature. Is often used to represent a person who threatens or attacks you emotionally, such as as a father or marriage partner, who shouts, barks and rages, or shows their teeth at you. In this case it refers more to feelings induced by the attack. Or it can symbolise, depending upon the dream content, your own feelings of anger and aggression.
The dog is generally thought of as a male creature, quite different to the femininity of cats. It thus stands for male sexuality and adventurousness or aggressiveness. As it sees in the dark, and has keen ears, it is sometimes used as a symbol of instinctive or intuitive knowledge. The dog here also represents the instinctive life. That is, the person who lives without much feeling or thought, like an animal. In some dreams, the dog is used in a similar way to the Egyptian symbology, as a guide into the unconscious, or land of the Dead.DOOR Opportunity, the openings life offers. Also represents an inner opening or realisation of new parts of yourself, new feelings, new ideas. The door can also represent a barrier put between yourself and others, yourself and life, yourself and God. The opening or closing of this door represents the movement of your feelings and attitudes. Death is sometimes spoken of as the other door, birth being the first.
The door is also a threshold between one feeling or condition and another. Sometimes it links with sexual feelings as when you 'open' yourself to someone.
LEOPARD Sometimes represents libido or sexual drives that appear as threatening. It also depicts anger, passion - in caring or protecting, spitefulness and power of response. That is, responses without too much thought.
GHOST An old memory, an old fear, or the past, that haunts you or comes back to you. May represent a guilt, fear of death, intuitive knowledge, dread of the unknown, or things you have done that you have tried to bury and forget. In Eastern terminology, it may be your karma, the accumulated results of actions and thoughts
MEDICINE Sometimes it means you need to take something you do not wish to. It also represents healing energies that can be released into your conscious life, or positive changes that can be brought about..
BANQUET This may relate to concerns you have about social relationships; being recognised or seen as being chosen; feelings about class, social position or status; business/sexual opportunity; feelings concerning eating and drinking; drive to impress, or being impressed.
PARTY Light heartedness; celebration; social relationship and how you deal with it; sexual or business opportunity. A desire for recognition or warmth.
ROOM A state of feeling or atmosphere. A condition or possibility.
A big room: Suggest your space to do things, your possibilities.
TOY Childhood habits, desires or attitudes not yet outgrown or changed.
RAIN Generally rain symbolises emotions, release of feelings.
If the rain is gentle it is usually a relaxing experience and suggests a release from ideas and intellect. If it is a downpour and storm, it is feelings which may drench us, as in sadness or grief about a friend passing. If the land is inundated, then our common sense is lost to sight in the emotions released, and danger may threaten.
But rain may also show a return of feelings after a long spell of dry intellectualism or drought of feelings.
CLOTHES We often associate ideas and feelings about how others see us, or how we would like to be seen, with clothes.
Clothes also allow us to change how people relate to us, so can represent the different ways you can express. Clothes might also represent disguising what you really feel, or covering up something.
Occasionally clothes represent the attitudes you use to protect yourself, or to fend off other people.Underclothes:Such as vest, petticoat, refer to your inner feelings and attitudes, usually those you are probably unconscious of.

so...notice any similar interpretations???goodness talaga!hahahaha...

only time

2005-05-04T16:19:00.000+08:00

Who can say where the road goes,

Where the day flows?

Only time...

And who can say if your love grows,

As your heart chose?

Only time...

Who can say why your heart sighs,

As your love flies?

Only time...

And who can say why your heart cries,

When your love dies?

Only time...

Who can say when the roads meet,

That love might be,

In your heart.

And who can say when the day sleeps,

The moon still keeps on moving

If the night keeps all your heart?

Night keeps all your heart...

Who can say if your love grows,

As your heart chose?

Only time...

And who can say where the road goes,

Where the day flows?

Only time...

Who knows?

Only time...

Who knows?

Only time...

...nice noh?! im pissed off with my sun sim.while the rest have their signal bars full blast....mine's nada.as in zit.thought of buying a new sim though.but im thinking i need the dinero this vacay.EK,overnight,swimming,malate nights...libis nights..hay! plus i just loaded that sim...darn!

where is sun's cell site?! pasasabugin q na!!!

Aries tha Ram:head sign of the fire triplicity

2005-05-02T17:13:00.000+08:00

ARIES is called the sign of sacrifice. People born under the Aries Zodiac sign are usually very executive, earnest, and determined. They accomplish what they resolve to do against all opposition.

They are leaders, and naturally dominate those about them. They are noble, generous, magnetic, progressive, and have occult power and metaphysical tastes. They are good scholars, are bright, genial, witty, and great talkers.

They can always lead the conversation into new and interesting paths, and are never at a loss to provide entertainment. The genius of this sign is intuition, and silent electro-magnetic power by means of the hands. These people are large and true, but are apt to be children of caprice, which has a sad effect upon their destiny.
They reach their highest attainment through knowledge and the regenerative love-action of the heart. They love beauty, order, harmony, and elegant surroundings. They should not be circumscribed when giving out their true work of genius
It is almost impossible to hide anything from an Aries individual who has recognized his or her power of intuition, and for this reason those born under this sign develop quickly the gifts of the spirit. They are often excellent psychometrists, mind-readers, and spiritual comforters.

They understand without words the especial trouble that is weighing upon the heart of a friend, and are frequently able to explain its cause and banish its effects. Their wills are so dominant, their sympathies so quick and kindly, and their clairvoyant power so marked, that they rarely ever fail in their work of ministering to the sorrowful.

Sometimes their great regard for their friends will apparently blind them to their friends' faults, but it is doubtful if those born under this sign are ever really unaware of such weaknesses. It is a rare exception, however, when they will admit them to others, although they are not usually reticent in speaking of the failings and eccentricities of those to whom they feel no necessity of loyalty.
The Aries woman is not far behind her brother. Her friends, her favorites, are all in all, and the person who places them at a disadvantage will be dealt with in language that cannot easily be misconstrued.

The traits of Aries Zodiac sign people often seem to contradict each other. They are not born patient, but with those they love they are sometimes patient to stupidity. They will give of their money to those who are too lazy to work for themselves, and will accept excuses and explanations with apparent credulity, although they are seldom deceived.

The executive ability of those born under this sign is so marked that they occasionally come to grief from an overestimate of it. They become inflated with success, and this develops a recklessness which leads to loss and disaster, and often to nervous prostration.

The tendency with most of the Aries teachers, speakers, and writers is to give up everything to their work, and so sacrifice health and usefulness, and spoil their beautiful inspirational powers. Many fine descriptive writers, novelists, and poets are found in this sign, and many excellent teachers
There are really two distinct personalities born under the sign Aries; those who are short, and those who are tall and broad-shouldered. The former are much under the influence of the Moon and the planet Mars at the time of birth, and partake somewhat of the characteristics of the signs these two planets were in.

These persons are quite changeable, quicktempered, cannot bear to be contradicted, and resent being told of their faults. If they are not permitted to do their work in their own way they get into confusion, and very likely lose all interest in the subject. Their stubbornness is the result of the intensity of their natures, and more of an appearance than a reality. These persons are usually very fortunate in business and money-getting.

The dominant faults of persons born in this sign are selfishness, anger, and impetuosity. They are also whimsical, capricious, and fickle to the last degree. They do not easily forgive their enemies, although they are rarely tempted to seek revenge for their wrongs.
They will die fighting for a friend or a principle, but they will not yield a point until obliged to. These people do not like details. They are fond of planning, and are usually possessed of good taste and judgment.

Women born in Aries are impatient of long seams, or the finishing-off or filling-in process. They see how a thing looks at the start, and expect somebody else to do the work.

The tendency of these people is to stifle their inspirations through externality and selfishness-inordinate selfishness, of which they are often entirely unconscious, and a propensity to talk of themselves, which earns for them oftentimes the reputation of egotists. The female destroys her best talents through jealousy, and the male through anger and quick temper.

THE CUSP OF ARIES-TAURUS
April 19 to 25
Persons born on either of these six days will show unusual strength in all mental directions. They are not always physically robust, but have a very wiry, tenacious nature, which seems to meet all emergencies.
They are sometimes called "the children of the four horns," on account of their invincible determination to win. The Ram is fearless and busy; the Bull is fearless and dominant. These natives are very apt to think that they know it all, and constantly inflict their advice upon their families and friends.

The capabilities of this cusp are so great, and the magnetic qualities so powerful, that resistance to their rule is a very difficult matter. It is the nature of this especial domain to load friends and neighbors with benefits-things to eat and things to wear. What they like, everybody else should like, and as they are fond of the best things, and, as a rule, have good taste, their beneficiaries are in luck.

The impulse of this sign is toward the highest heights, but if the natives decide to touch the bottom of sensuality and dissipation, they will do so. They are the most powerful of metaphysical healers and very fond of children. The impulse of sex is strong, and they are apt to make unhappy marriages.

akap

2005-05-01T13:44:00.000+08:00

kagabi,medyo nagka-inisan kami ni jaymer.actually,ako yung unang nainis.kagagaling lang nya kasi sa tonsilitis tapos uminom pa sya.nag text kasi ako "san ka na po?" sabi niya "ng.iinom kami dito ng groupm8s q nie.." di na aq nag-reply.nainis ako eh.
di naman sa KJ ako.okay lang naman saken na uminom sya eh..kaya lang...sino ba naman matutuwa kapag ikaw eh nag-aalala dun sa tao tapos pinapabayaan nya lang pala yung sarili nya dba?!
...ayoko na ibalik yun.tapos na yung away kagabi...bati na kami kaninang umaga.pero kagabi,medyo nag-isip ako..napaisip pala.andaming tumakbo sa isip ko...

naisip ko "ang lakas ng loob nyang tanungin kung nag-aalala ba ako...samantalang nung tumawag sya na mataas lagnat nya at mag isa lang sya sa kanila,kulang nalang itakas ko yung sasakyan namen at pumunta sa kanila para samahan sya."
nainis pa nga ako eh...bakit kasi wala akong sariling sasakyan?!di sana pwede akong bumulaga sa kanya dun dba?! nakakatawa ba? parang kaya kong gawin no?! pero nung mga oras na yun,alam ko...kaya ko.
tapos nung nagkasagutan at nagkabarahan kami sa phone.normally kasi,hindi ko na pag-aaksayahan yung mag-ayos ng gulo.minsan nga dati,kahit nung kay kiko...ayoko na gumawa ng effort eh.parang.."bahala ka.bahala nalang kung maayos pa to." sa totoo lang,ma-pride akong tao.pag nag-away tayo,bahala ka lumapit sken..at bakit kta aamuhin?! hay...tapos kagabi...10 minuto yata ako nakipag debate sa sarili ko.kahit alam kong nakakainis yung ginawa nyang pambabara skin..tawag pa rin ako.balak ko pa nga...lambingin nalang sya.sabi ko,"sige,hindi ako magtataas ng boses,hindi ako magpapaka-high blood." kaya lang...nambara pa rin sya.di ko kinaya."hindi ba nya napapansin na nagpapakahinahon na ako at gusto ko ng ayusin tong inisan na to?!" sige..bara pa rin ng bara...napamura pa ako.matutulog nalang ako!
habang nakahiga na ako...naisip ko..."this isn't working." sabi ko..pareho kaming nagbubungguan.wala talagang mangyayari.medyo naiyak iyak pa ako.bigla kasi akong napagod.sabi ko kasi dati sa kada ko "pag ako,pumasok ulit sa 1 relasyon,gusto ko malaman muna kung mas mahal ba talaga ako nung guy.kasi ako,alam ko kung ano yung kaya kong gawin once na mahal ko yung tao.as in kaya kong paikutin sa kanya yung mundo ko.ganun kalalim." gusto ko kasing malaman kung kaya ba akong panindigan nung guy..kasi pag ako naging committed sa isang bagay..magkamatayan na...hindi ko pa rin igi-give up yun.stuborn nga ako dba.
naisip ko..".tapusin nalang kaya namin to?pag umalis ba ako,dahil alam kong walang mangyayari,kahit mahal ko pa sya...hahabulin ba nya ako?" ayoko nalang isipin yung sagot.bahala na sya.

naalala ko yung post ko na kanta "but it's hard,and u don't know how close ive come to leaving you.u tried my patience,and u race me to the wire..it take evry ounce of my will and desire.If I didn't love you If I didn't love you like crazy If I didn't love you baby As much as I do I'd just walk out the door I couldn't take it anymore I wouldn't put up with what you put me through If I didn't love you...
ganyan na ganyan yung naramdaman ko kagabi.ano kaya maiisip nya kung malaman nya na nung mga oras na binara bara nya ako...tumawid sa isip ko na isuko nalang sya?!

kaya lang...hindi naman ganun kadali lahat dba.i know what he means to me.HAY! kung mababasa ni che etong post na to..tatawa ng tatawa yun...at lalo na pag nabasa ng iba pang kada ko "ano?nakahanap ka na ng katapat mo?!" bihira lang naman kasi ako magsabi ng mga seryosong iniisip ko."baka di makaya ng pwers niyo." pero eto lang..kung sa tingin niyo eh may pagka maldita at malandi ako..kung sa tingin niyo eh marami akong mga "kinakarir" (naku...akala ng kada ko marami akong lalake.sobrang kantyaw pa ako kagabi). ..kung yun ang tingin niyo...hay...mali yun.

tama na nga...ambaduy na...sabi ko nga eh..kaya ayoko magpaka-seryoso masyado.mushy na!!! pati ako kinikilabutan sa mga sinulat ko.i-post ko pa ba to?! bahala na..nabasa mo naman na dba?!

konting seryoso muna...

2005-04-29T18:34:00.000+08:00

wala lang..nakakapagod kasi eh. kung tutuusin, 6 weeks lang itong summer.pero pakiramdam ko buong buhay na akong kumukuha ng NCM 100,Nutrition at lalo na parasitology-slash-microbiology.tostado na utak ko! yung tipong,first week pa lang ng klase,umiyak na ako, tapos nasabi ko sa kaibigan ko "lizza!last day nitong summer,tsong inuman tayo! magwawala talaga ako!!"

sabi ko nung umpisa dba magiging optimistic ako.kaso ngayon ko lang natanto,minsan kahit gaano ka ka-optimistic,may mga pagkakataon talaga na ilalampaso ka.sa palagay ko,isa to sa mga pagkakataon na to.
ang tigas nga lang ng ulo ko.kahit pagod na,kahit gabi gabi naiiyak ako sa mga pinaggagawa ko sa buhay ko...sige.."fight!fight!fight!" pa rin! sabi ko..malapit naman na matapos summer classes eh...kaya yan!
wala pa naman akong pinasukan na di ko tinapos.yun na nga lang yata maipagmamalaki ko sa buhay ko.

ngayon naintindihan ko si kiko...kung bakit dati pag halos 1 buong linggo sya di nagpaparamdam...toxic lang talaga! yung tipong,kahit mga simpleng bagay sa buhay ko,nakakalimutan ko basta basta.peste!isang beses nga nalimutan ko landline number namen!patulog na ako...tapos bigla nalang sumagi sa isip ko...tapos sinusubukan kong maalala yung number namen.takot ko di ko agad maalala!hala! bangon agad ako...naalala ko naman sya..after 3 mins.buti nalang!

minsan nga,naka-chat ko si che (hello tol!) sabi ko "alam mo ba dude,medyo nagmuni muni ako nung bday ko." naisip ko kasi,ang tanda ko na.pero parang napapasabi ako na "teka..ano ba ginawa ko buong buhay ko?!" yung tipong...na-realize ko na nakakasawa na pala yung puro parties,puro inuman,puro landian (oops!). kailangan ko naman mag seryoso na.hindi ko naman sinabi na magiging KJ ako,o kaya hindi na ako ngingiti.yung...tamang enjoy.di na kasi tayo bata diba?! panganay pa ako.andun yung responsibilidad. nagugulat nga ako sa sarili ko ngayon eh. bihira nalang ako nahihila sa parties...mas lalong bihira na rin ako mag-flirt...teka...di na pala ako lumalandi.hahaha! kinikilabutan nga mga kaibigan ko eh...bigla daw akong nag seryoso. sken lang naman...inaayon ko lang kilos ko sa edad ko.di pwedeng maging happy-go-lucky...wala akong mapapala dun.

grabe...kung iisipin mo talaga ng malaliman,ang hirap ng buhay no?! kaya minsan,ayoko nalang isipin..mapa-praning lang ako.

basta..fight fight fight pa rin ako.makulit na kung makulit.pero sa mga nakakakilala sken,alam nila prinsipyo ko "never give up something without a good fight." syempre,alangan namang magpatalo ako dba?! siguro,ayos lang na matalo.basta pag natalo ka,alam mong ginawa mo lahat.nakakahiya kung basta ka nalang tumakbo papalayo ng di man lang sinubukan yung kaya mo.

seryoso ko na yata.baka matawa na mga bumabasa nito.pasensya na huh.alam niyo naman ako.kailangan kong ilabas yung mga iniisip ko.lalo na pag nag senti na ako..

palabok:bumagyo pala.di ko man lang naramdaman.sobrang init!kanina nga sa laboratory namen sa para, pakiramdam ko dehydrated na ako.labas agad ako ng lab.tumungo sa canteen at bumili ng 500 ml na viva.nilaklak ko sya! nakakahiya naman kung mamamatay ako dahil sa kakatingin sa uod dba?!

teka...gusto ko kasi kumanta...

So goodWhen it's good I wanna spend my whole life lovin' youBut I'm tiredAnd you don't know how close I've come to leaving youYou try my patienceAnd you race me to the wireIt takes every ounce of my will and desireIf I didn't love youIf I didn't love you like crazyIf I didn't love you babyAs much as I doI'd just walk out the doorI couldn't take it anymoreI wouldn't put up with what you put me throughIf I didn't love you...

2005-04-20T17:36:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to me...happy birthday to me..happy birthday,happy birthday...happy birthday to me...

jaymer called at around 12:0something am on the day.

*phone rings...Looney tunes ringtone..jaymer caller ID*
moi: ei....
jaymer: nie...happy birthday! happy birthday..mwah!mwah!mmwwaahhh!!
moi:thanks po...hehehe..so i have the right n mag-inarte at magpalambing ngayon ng di ka magagalet?!
...talks..talks..talks...(of course i won't quote it verbatim..hahahaha!)

i slept before 1 am...jaymer was demanding that i should go to sleep.its a routine actually...we both go to sleep at the same time (syempre,sya lang naman kausap q bago matulog eh!)

unfortunately,april 19 was also makro las pinas' opening day. i got out of the house at 11 am for my 12 noon class...by 12:15 i was still sitting inside the bus, stranded in traffic and praying that my CI hadn't thought about giving the exam without me. naku talaga!!!!

*while on my way to school...phone vibrates...3 messages received:*
jheng:tanong ko lang po saan ka na?
charm:san ka na?late ka na gurl!
kuya roy: *graphics,graphics* happy birthday!!

moi: andito pa aq sa bus...lintek na makro yan!hinaharang ang daanan q!!"

but, it's my bday...and it never rains on my parade...smile lang ako!

i arrived at around 12;30 and saw my friends, charm and rose waiting for me on the second floor.they were sitting on a bench.

moi:uy..sori ang tagal ko!"
rose and charm: andyan na prof nyo!happy birthday pat!!!
moi:salamat! uy..teka..peram calcu!naiwan q calcu ko!!
them:eto na..*hands calcu* ...pat,talikod ka,may surprise kami sayo! harap ka dyan tapos pikit mo mata mo.wag kang didilat hangga't di namin sinasabi huh!
moi: huh?!ano to?!baka mamya pagdilat ko,andyan na buong class namen pati yung prof ko huh!papagalitan na pala ako!
them: hindi!basta wag kang iiyak!
moi: bakit naman ako iiyak noh?!
them: madrama ka kasi.ayan pat...wag ka muna didilat...may bago kang boyfriend!!yiheee!!!kinikilig kami!!

....then i heard all my friend's voices...plus a smack on my cheek..
voila! may blackforest cake with a pink candle on top..plus my friends singing "happy birthday to you.."

hay...i love surprises!hehehehe..

replies...

2005-04-17T01:42:00.000+08:00

haaayyyyy!!!!!!!

che- okay pa naman aq dude...although di ko na alam ano na ang mangyayari sken in the next four weeks. four weeks of redeeming myself. lintek na microbio and parasitology yan!!!!

ailil- hehehe...medyo parang continuation nga ng bitterness nights yung "treat me good." hahaha...bad trip lang ako that time kaya na-post ko yun. marami akong kwento sayo.sa next gimik nalang. (hopefully alam ko pa ang meaning ng "gimik" by that time).

yung isang post na tagalog...wala yun..a lousy attempt to express myself. gusto ko na nga delete yung post..hehehe..nakakahiya kasi. pero nag-comment na kayo kaya...hayaan nalang naten dyan.

ingat kayo...miss yah both! btw, lilipat na kami sa cavite on the 30th. at balita ko wala pang phonelines sa subdivision na yun..punyemas!!!

hay..once again...i need to get back to my optimistic self.

after 2 weeks...

2005-04-17T01:32:00.000+08:00

TOXIC::
:having a class schedule which lasts until late in the evening.
:finding out that one of your professors possess bitterness tendencies to all ladies in the class.
:having three to four quizzes in one day.:
sitting for ten hours in one subject.
:attempting to finish a list of assignments in only one night.
:having a "free" day (except Sundays) where you are eve compelled to do all the assigned work for the whole week.
:being in a class full of people who are too centered on their studies they tend to have overreactive symptoms.

SYMPTOMS OF TOXICITY:
-you start your days wishing it will already end.-you cannot appreciate your food, no matter how scrumptious it is because you are too busy thinking of your quizzes, homeworks and other subject requirements.
-you start to miss out on gimiks with friends (when in fact, you have always been the consistent one among those gimiks.
-your friends started noticing how you've become too quiet and serious (because you were too busy thinking of classes), how you reply to funny situations with a feeble smile, and how your eyes always look tired.
-you've noticed you can manage even without your routines like fixing your hair and powdering your face after classes before going home, listening to the radio while dressing up, and other stuffs you were used to doing.
-your friends tell you they miss you (you go to the same school).
-you have developed an ability to accept you are getting low grades no matter how hard you study and despite the fact that you were used to having an average of only five mistakes in your exams.
-your idea of unwinding is staying home and hibernating for the next few days.
-you get up in the middle of your sleep recalling lessons about symptoms of a certain illness.
-you can't sleep unless you remembered what you were trying to remember.
-there are certain moments when you would just find yourself staring at nowhere...worse, people start to notice you've become fond of that activity.
-you find yourself always hurrying to do things, wishing you have lots of time (instead of just an overnight)to finish all those tons of work.
-you wish summer classes would end.right.now.
-you start to have doubts if you can survive til the bloody end of the course.
-you start to question urself if you did the right decision of subjecting yourself to the toxicity.-
no matter how optimistic you are,you find yourself suddenly complaining nonstop and crying because of the torture and the pressures.

....hay....4...more...straining...weeks...

2005-04-10T11:59:00.000+08:00

kung sakaling dalawang puso
ang nagtagpo sa isang panahon
pagkatapos ng lahat ng luhang naibuhos
at ang bawat pighati ay naghilom...
ito na ba? ikaw na kaya?
kung sakaling bawat dasal na ninais
ng puso ay nakamit
itinuro ang daan papuntang tunay na pag-ibig
makikinig ka na ba sa damdaming nagtatanong...
ito na ba? ikaw na kaya?
nandito lang ako
naghihintay sa tawag ng damdamin mo
ang kahapong napabayaan
huwag ng paghinayangan
sana lang maisip mo
sisikapin kong humawak sa pag-ibig sa'yo
ngunit paano pag dumating na ganito
napagod ang pusong maghintay sa'yo?
akala mo wala akong pakialam
sa bawat pangarap ng puso mo
napansin mo bang inalagaan ko ang lahat ng ito
gusto ko iabot sayo lahat ng ginugusto mo
mali ba ako na gawin yun?
paano kung mahal kita
higit na sa akala mo
bakit ka pa nag-iisip?
pakinggan mo ang bawat pintig
bakit kailangan pa itong lisanin?

sing mah heart out!

2005-04-07T22:50:00.000+08:00

Treat Me Good

Don't use me
Don't tease me
Don't hurt me
Don't mess with my head
Don't flaunt me
Don't laugh at me
Talk about me
Or ignore what I said

But you can
Treat me
Good
Anytime you like
Show me some kindness if I'm lucky tonight/fluke it right
You can
Treat me
Good anytime at all
A little caring's all I'm asking for

Don't try me
Lie to me
Patronise me
Talk down to my friends
Don't neglect me
Forget me
Be angry at me
Say things to offend

Every time I get home
You're suspicious of where I've been
And who I've seen
You're so jealous of any little thing that takes up my time
It don't have to be that way baby

Don't hit me
Frighten me
Threaten me
And order me around
Don't guilt me
Pressure me
Make demands on me
Keep putting me down

...and choruses out....

...don't u just looovvve the song?!.... ~sarcastic mode~

this is just the beginning

2005-04-06T16:05:00.000+08:00

first two days of summer classes....

WWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

i stepped inside with a feeling that im gonna be skinned alive.
Guardian angel...!!! where have you brought me?!
10 hours of lecture...in one subject only...dragging.
3 exams in one day..must have photographic memory...

classmates were too serious and driven.. (and older)...

told my friends i don't belong to that class.
reply: "pat...hindi ka pa kasi nagpapakilala sa kanila.baka mapahiya yang mga yan ha!"
also conveyed the same setiments to moi cherie..
jaymer: "unahan mo na sila nie! kaya mo yan..kaw pa?!eh gehius ka!"

haayyy....such spirit from a cheerleader's cheerleaders...hehehehe

good thing professors were okay...(hope it'll go on until my microbio and parasit class)

so far...am coping up okay.

however, i have this urge to let hell loose as soon as the summer classes end on may. and when i say "let hell loose.." im gonna give Satan a run over..hahaha.

btw...jaymer and i are okay now...

so much for almost wanting to wreck my nerves...

he's okay..am okay...ergo..we're okay. we were being "playfully sweet" after the "misunderstanding." anyway...
like what ive told che... "let time do its thing. what will happen, will happen." dba?!

so...i'll just see with my mocha later *winks*

right now..am enjoying my life...yes, despite the fact that i might get skinned alive at the end of summer classes...

i love my life!!!!!!

P.S....still have 9 chapters to study...
P.S.2....emar..i know ur reading this..and i got the settings changed.feel free to comment even if ur not a blog user or whatever...so emar...

...come out..come out...wherever u are.. (hehehe! way to go Lestat!)

one tough chick..

2005-03-31T16:08:00.000+08:00

summer classes will start on monday. just this afternoon, during my siesta,i kept on having dreams that some scary and ferocious creatures were chasing after me.great! this whole new set-up in my classes is giving me the jitters!

when i said my summer classes would torture me, i was saying an understatement. now i realized classes would not only torture me...they're capable of turning me into a zombie. yes...classes that begin as early as 7:30 am...and lasts until as late as 9 pm.toxic subjects, terror profs...hay....i have a feeling this will be a nerve-wracking month. plus, the degree holders were separated from the regular students. i think im the youngest in our class. so i'll be competing with older people now...hahaha..hayyyy....i've also heard the profs for the degree holders are more..uhm..terrorizing...wow! talk about sadism!

okay..i won't rant..i won't rant! whining won't bring me anywhere.whatever happens,happens.i just have to do my best to survive. i can't control the incident that placed me in that degree holders' section...but i can control the outcome of my academics...right?! i was build for this...pressure...and the challenge.basta, i'll do my best.
but it doesn't mean i won't have time for other stuffs right?! heller!! i still have a life for pete's sake!kung tingin niyo na mawawalan ako ng oras...hahahaha!! ako pa?! =)

im gonna be optimistic. if i don't i'll just wither amidst all those headaching subjects,profs and classmates. i never gave up without a good fight...i swear i'll give them a worthy competition...(yes..so much for my fighting spirit!!)
BECAUSE CHEERLEADERS KICK ASS!!!!!!!

changes...

2005-03-26T12:35:00.000+08:00

holy week will soon be over.as usual...go to church,pray,recollect,confess...reflect.
wednesday night,after going to confession,mom took us to chowking to chow on halo halo...in the middle of my ice-crushing, she broke the news: we are transferring to another place. destination: bacoor, cavite.

we were all stunned actually.we all tried to draw a plausible reason why we have to leave our life here in pque.my siblings were somewhere between shocked...and devastated. couldn't blame them though.they have already established their life here and moving away would mean "de-backbone-ing" them. i felt miserable as well...i've been having sleepless nights for the past 3 days..er..nights.

but,we have no choice.mom wants to move...so all of us must move.i don't really worry about leaving my friends behind...knowing our type, we'd go to a spontaneous gimik anyday we want, wherever we are staying. (singing: ain't no mountain high enough)

just like mom said...sometimes, change is good.
i just hope this change is included.

talked with ardee the other day.miss yah gurl! it's been almost a year since we last saw each other...i sooo miss yah all people!
suddenly, we talked about how we are getting older.how we wanted to be more of sane this time..more responsible...she popped about the "relationship" issue. ah! relationship....what about it? well, we both came to a conclusion that we're tired of the chase. hahaha..i know..."pat?!are you nuts?you're still young! what chase are you talking about?!" don't get me wrong...the chase is okay.the quest is fun.im tired of hook ups...flings...6 months since kiko and i broke up.and within that 6 months, i have already enjoyed my single blessedness to the fullest.

i was thinking about it the other night...and yeah ardee...i am definitely ready for a commitment.but...i don't want it with just anybody.it doesn't mean i'd go jump to any proposal asap.of course he has to be special.
and im taking my time right now.im just tired of hurting...please. im tired of being left behind.minsan nga naisip ko tatanga tanga na yata talaga ako eh!

teka..emote na naman ako.ayoko na nga pag-usapan yang love na yan. until i find that one guy who'd treat me real good...who's faithful,loyal and would really take an effort to show how much he loves me...then...i guess i have to party on muna.

saturday bum

2005-03-19T18:14:00.000+08:00

boredom does strange things to people..really.

i volunteered to cook dinner. nothing grand..

the past few days, i've been reminiscing. i realized it's been a year since i last saw my friends in uste. my, my...time flies so fast. i just realized i miss them badly.

but i am also thinking of my life right now. im happy. (and che knows why..)

although there are times when life scares me. when i would begin to doubt something... or when i would start to hold back again. am i confusing you?

lemme put it this way: i am happy. as in not just happy, happy. i am thankfully happy. and yes, i am scared. scared of a lot of things. but compared to the bliss i am feeling right now...the fear is trivial. it may make me doubt, or hold myself back...but the negativity wouldn't last long.

im not being a headache lately. there was even a point that i passed a party/gimik and preferred to stay at home. which is wierd since i never missed out an invitation.

so not me huh?!

would you hold it against me if i tell you that im loving him more?

at kapag mura ang songhits na nabili mo...

2005-03-14T10:33:00.000+08:00

got this from a former classmate's email. nakaka-gago kaya!!!

I decided long ago, never to walk in edu manzano... (I decided long ago,never to walk in anyone's shadow)

Cry by Mandy Moore - A walk to remember... it was late afternoon! (I'llalways remember, it was late afternoon)

All My Life by K-ci and Jojo - supposed to be you're like mymother,supposed to be you're like my sister (close to me you're like mymother... close to me you're like my sister)

Where's the Love - People killing, people flying, children hurt an living,crying... (People killing, people dying; children hurt and you hear themcrying)

Leaving on a jet plane - so kiss me and SMAFFLE me... (so kiss me and smilefor me...)

Usher & Alicia's My Boo - It started when we were younger you were NINE...(It started when we were younger you were mine)

Eto pa: ...and you were my BEYBLADE... it started when were younger youwere FINE... hehehe....

(eto isa sa mga naging favorites, hehehe...)If I Ain't Got You by Alicia Keys - "some people want TAMBOURINES.."(diamond rings)

Britney's Baby One More Time - My ONLY NEST is killing me... and I........(My loneliness....)

Thumbthumping (Chumbawumba) - I get knocked down by an elephant, mymommas's gonna bring me down... (I get knocked down, but I get up again...)

Crush by Jennifer Paige - "i-splash, a little crush.." ("it's just.. alittle crush..")

Red Hot's Californication - "Viva Californication...." (Dream ofCalifornication...)

No scrubs, TLC - "A scrub is a guy who thinks he's fine but is also knownas a BUS STOP" (buster)

Waterfalls by TLC: Don't go JASON waterfalls... (Chasin')

John Mayer - You're ALICE IN WONDERLAND... You're ALICE IN WONDERLAND I'll use my hands (Body is a wonderland)

Baa Baa Black Sheep: "Baa baa black sheep, heavy on the road..."

With A Smile by Eraserheads: "lift ur HAND.. baby dont be scared.. of thethings that could go wrong along the way.. (HEAD!!!)

Wag Na Wag Mong Sasabihin by Kitchie Nadal: maaaaaaaaaag... , magdamag mongsasabihin........

two-trick pony by sandwich - i have been waiting for you all night underthe glow of INSECENT LIGHT (...under the glow of YOUR SATELLITE)

On Bended Knees by Boyz II Men: Oh God give me the reason, I'M DOWN...ABANDON ME... (I'm down on bended knee)

Red Hot's Zephyr Song: Fly away on my CELLPHONE...I feel it more than ever(Fly away on my zephyr, I feel it more than ever)

AND FINALLY....Soul of Christ... sat beside me... (sanctify me! Ü)Hehehe.

=====ETO ANG "THE BEST!"Nothing's gonna change my love for you... you know NAMAN MY LOVE how much Ilove you...

what's better than...?

2005-03-09T18:05:00.000+08:00

i should have named this post "headbangers."
yep..i now have bangs (ardee..i can see u laughing.quit it!)but im not gonna whine about it right now. new look...new attitude...

...summer's here!! woohooo!!!!

must do everything i can to relax. by the time summer classes start on the 4th, i'll have 12 hour/6 day- span to torture my self.
...no social life.....no gimiks.....no night outs...

heller!!!knowing me..i would definitely squeeze in a couple of night outs or two. (read:gimikera by heart)
so,im bumming around the crib...watching tv,sleeping, and reading "the wheel of time." it's kindda like "the lord of the rings" series...only it has 12 books. (and i doubt they'll make a movie with that number!)

my gimikera phase starts this weekend..

guys and gals...the party girl has resurrected!nyahahaha!

must get hands on the bikini set i saw at the mall this morning...how,how,how?! and where will i use that anyway?!
goal # 2: must convince the clan to have a weekend getaway somewhere.or i could just deport myself to our beach in la union. away from the world...hehehehe.

anyway,got this speech from our yahoogroups. just wanna share with you so we'll have enough motivations to go on with whatever we are doing... these are just excerpts. the original speech is too darn long for my blog.(baka mawalan ako ng spacio!)(ei che!!better absorb this huh!)

What's better than focusing on the negative? Focus on the positive.
--So what's better than focusing on the negative? Believe me, its focusingon the positive. And if this world could learn to focus on the positivemore than the negative, it would be a much nicer place to live in.

What's better than working hard? It's working smart.
--It's taking time to understand the situation, and coming out with aneffective and efficient solution to get more done with less time andeffort. As the Japanese say, "There's always a better way."

One of the most memorable case studies I came across with as I studiedJapanese management at Sophia University in Tokyo was the case of theempty soap box, which happened in one of Japan's biggest cosmeticscompanies. The company received a complaint that a consumer had bought abox of soap that was empty. It immediately isolated the problem to theassembly line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to thedelivery department. For some reason, one soap box went through theassembly line empty. Management tasked its engineers to solve theproblem. Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-raymachine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch allthe soap boxes that passed through the line to make sure they were notempty. No doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast.

But a rank-and-file employee that was posed the same problem came outwith another solution. He bought a strong industrial electric fan andpointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as eachsoap box passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

Clearly, the engineers worked hard, but the rank-and-file employeeworked smart. So what's better than merely working hard? It's workingsmart. Having said that, it is still important to work hard. If youcould combine both working hard and working smart, you would possess amajor factor toward success.

What's better than dreaming? Imagineering.
--Walt Disney explained there is really no secret to their approach. Theyjust keep moving forward-opening new doors and doing new things, becausethey are curious. And it is this curiosity that leads them down newpaths. They always dream, explore and experiment. In short, imagineeringis the blending of creative imagination and technical know-how.

Eisner expounds on this thought by saying that "Not only are imagineerscurious, they are courageous, outrageous, and their creativity iscontagious."

The big difference with imagineers is that they dream and then they DO!So don't just be a dreamer, be an imagineer.

What's better than a vision? A cause.
--What's the difference between a vision and a cause? Here's what setsthem apart... No one is willing to die for a vision. People will die fora cause. You possess a vision. A cause possesses you. A vision lies inyour hands. A cause lies in your heart. A vision involves sacrifice. Acause involves the ultimate sacrifice.

Just a word of caution. You must have the right vision, and you must befighting for the right cause. In the end, right will always win out.It may take time, and it may take long. But if you have the right visionand are fighting for the right cause, you will prevail. If not, nomatter how sincere you are, if you are not fighting for what is right,you will ultimately fail.

vaca!

2005-03-04T09:47:00.000+08:00

school year's finally over!! woohoo!!! actually,i still have an exam on monday, but i got exempted so im done with my tests. asteeg dba?!

it's kindda funny when you've finally met your match...parang you don't get nervy with some people, you always play things cool,you always know the right punchlines and when to say them...but once u get to talk to this particular person...u act on impulse,you tend to lose some strands of reason..heck..where's your logic anyway?!

haayy....grabe....welcome to the real world pat!

killing me softly

2005-02-25T18:25:00.000+08:00

have this weird conclusion that taking up nursing would be the cause of my death. why?last thursday, i woke up with an aching head and body.thought i'll have the flu so i popped in some meds after bfast.i went to school feeling sick,desiring to vomit and wanting to bump my aching head to some wall.so,by the time i felt like i was near to vomitting,i dragged my friend edge to accompany me to the cr.know what happened?i collapsed.i didn't see anything and i held on to my friend's hand coz i can't see the stairs.the next thing i felt,someone was carrying me and people were panicking.then i woke up to find myself in the clinic, with the doctor trying to loosen my uniform.(FYI:my friends told me i was poised the whole ordeal.and the guy who carried me was the president of the nursing students' council, which by the way, is cute!haha)i decided to get out of the clinic after an hour to eat my lunch.as i was eating lunch,my head spun,my sight blurred and my senses went numb.next destination: emergency room.my friends called up my mother,who rushed to the hospital.diagnosis:extreme fatigue.prescription:one whole day of complete rest, stress-free with no worries.
hay...no more pasaway days for me.like what jaymer said "naiinis ako sa'yo!masyado kang pasaway!ano akala mo sa sarili mo?mutant?!" hahahaha...(sorry hon,i know you were damn worried and all,but i can't help myself.pero promise,i'll be good.)

singing...

2005-02-23T17:10:00.000+08:00

hay..

came from an overnight at a classmate's place for our community diagnosis presentation. am hearing my cuz singing the theme song from "stairway to heaven.." aarrggghhh!!! quit raving about what's-his-face character in that chinovela (or is it koreanovela?!) wateva dude!

trying to de-stress myself by answering friendster surveys...hahaha!as if anyone's interested in reading about me dba?!

10 more days people...ten nerve-wracking days before the start of summer vaca. tito bob's coming home on the 2nd..promised to buy me a new phone...yippeee!!!!!!!! hehehe..am now canvassing for my preferred unit.

ei che!thanks for the congratulations huh! yeah..God is good. hehehe...basta i swear, im gonna finish the course and then i'll go sumwer out of pinas na! don't worry, i'll have you petitioned!hahaha!

kiko,thanks also for the pm you left a couple of days ago.

heard about the band "sipol?" i don't actually dig their stuff but anyway, there's this song "only a game"..la lang...i kindda liked the rhythm and the lyrics..although im not actually relating myself to the words huh..

I've been taking things slow

I've been playing it cool

Made the worst of mistakes

Rushing in like a fool

Until you came in the view

It's true I dont know what to do

Don't know how i should feel

Seems to good to be true

Feels unmistakeably real

And so i go

Spinning like a wheel

Convincing myself

I cant be wrong for taking my time with a love so strong

I know i should open the door

But my heart's been through all this before

So now even though its so plain to see

just how much you mean to me

Been telling myself resist and refrain

Int's only a gameI should have known

But i was too close to see been taking myself too seriously

No more i've had my fill and still

Ever since we've been friends

Ive been yearning to say

A light that shines from within

Glows brighter each day though wishing for more

I keep my feelings at bay.

Only a game.....only a game.....

i got the results!!!

2005-02-22T10:37:00.000+08:00

the results of the battery exams were given last saturday. ahehehehe!!! I PASSEDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!! woohoow!!!! as i not just pass-pass.... i got a 99% percent people! wahahaha!! so much for the fact that i was damn scared and panicky on the day of the exams.

ayun...anyway, i gotta hurry up. this week is called "crammer's week..." overnights, projects, nursing care plans, homeworks... hayy....

kelangan na mag-centrum.hahahaha!!!

blasted!

2005-02-15T02:40:00.000+08:00

Explosion rocks bus in Makati City; 3 dead
Posted 07:38pm (Mla time) Feb 14, 2005
By Joel Francis GuintoINQ7.net, GMA7, Agence France-Presse

.(3RD UPDATE) AN EXPLOSION went off inside a bus at the foot of the Metro Rail Transit's Ayala Avenue station in Makati City, police said.
National Capitol Region Police Chief Avelino Razon Jr. said on GMA Network's radio dzBB that at least three people were dead.
A GMA Network segment producer on the scene told the station's Flash Report newscast that two buses, besides the bus hit by the explosion, were also burning.
A passenger who was riding in a bus nearby told INQ7.net that the bus he was on shook from the force of the explosion and that he saw people panicking.
Many of the dead and injured were rushed in ambulances and private cars to the nearby Makati Medical Center while others were ferried to nearby hospitals for treatment.
An Agence France-Presse photographer at the Medical Center said the hospital was filling fast and the injured were being turned away to other hospitals.
The Makati blast came just minutes after two explosions rocked the cities of General Santos and Davao City, killing at least three people and injuring several others.
A report on GMA Network dzBB radio quoted Abu Sayyaf spokesman Abu Solaiman as saying that the bandit group was behind the blast.
Solaiman, according to the report, said the blasts were their “Valentine's gift” to President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo.

30

my brother was there when the whole thing happened.he was supposed to ride a bus on his way home.thankfully,he had some sense to go back..damn!when i opened the gate, i was ready to ask my brother why he was late.but when i saw him,he was pale...and then he told me everything he saw in the explosion-even the bloodied people dashing right in front of him.to think he was the type of person who didn't like gory stuffs.he was in a state of shock-clammy,cold,and weak.i felt sorry for my brother that i hugged him tight.and i felt lucky that he's still alive.to think we could have lost him...(knocks on wood)

moi:ei,have u heard about the bus explosion in makati?my brother was there when it happened!!he was supposed to take the bus...thank God he's still alive..
jaymer:oh yeah..i heard about that.gnun?!yes...thank God okay naman sya..
moi:grabe tlaga...naiyak aq wyl he was telling me d incident.nanlalata p cia til now.grbe,im nt gna tke my luvd 1s for grantd frm nw on..

im not kidding.i hugged my brother and pretended that i was trying to make him laugh,but the truth is,i was trying to calm myself.i got agitated with the thought that i'll be losing my brother.i don't want to lose ay of my family.i've already lost my dad, and if it would mean trading my friggin' soul just to save my loved ones, i won't think twice about doing it.if there's one thing that this incident slapped me with, it's not to take for granted all those people special to me...and to mean it.life is unpredictable.life is short.life takes us by surprise.so we shouldn't waste any opportunity telling our loved ones how much we value them.if you want to tell someone he/she is special to you or that u love them,say it...who knows when's the next time you can say that again to the same person.at least, they felt how important they are to us.coz we have no idea how long they'll be staying."the Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away." just.like.that.

updates.

2005-02-13T21:28:00.000+08:00

mushy. tis the season to be mushy.all day i've been hearing mushy songs...hay..valentine's eve 2005. i know che, the thing about valentine's being for lovers only is an overrated commodity.

what the heck! im in love..!

hmm.. i wanted to post more.i guess i'll just have a longer one next time.

btw, i guess uv all heard "daliri" by kjwan. nothing much..the rhythm's cool.so is the mtv. so is mark (or is it marc?) abaya?! yeah yeah...i know jaymer would probably tell me for the nth time "ano nagustuhan niyo sa kanya?!" oh well..he rocks!hahaha

Marami ang nagsabi

Daliri mo'y may labi

Kung minsan sinasabi

Ang hawak mo ay sungkit

Ang init ng 'yong kapit

Tuluy-tuloy ang higpit

'di mo na maalala

Kung saan ka pupunta

'di mo na makilala ang iyong…

Kung minsan may nagsabi

Ang puso mo ay itim

Halik ng buwan sa hangin

Sabik sa mga salarain

Saan ka hahanapin?

Kailan ako titikim?

Nawawala ang alaala

Nawawala ang sakit

Nawawala ang alaala

Nawawala ang sakit

next time people...a longer one..promise. and im out for now..ciao!

P.S. have i told you im so in love right now?! oopppss!! mushy mushy/..hahahaha

happy valentine's day!!!

post midterms...

2005-02-05T03:06:00.000+08:00

between reviews for the midterms, trips to the billiards place, early morning phone calls *winks at jaymer*..., feelings of "elated-ness"...haayyyy...i still have a lot of energy to last until...geez..i don't know when.haha!

so midterms came... and went.pambihira! pakiramdam ko nabuhay ako sa midterms ng puro hula lang eh! don't get me wrong..i studied, i really studied.but as soon as i got the papers and started breezing through the questions, i was like "damn!!!now where did you come from?!" waahhh!! so much for studying really hard huh!

the other day, my friends and i went to cavite."naki-fiesta.." hay.. ey guys..let's do that again ayt?! hahahaha!

yesterday, i dragged charm to uste. where the hell was everybody yesterday?!i missed you guys! i only saw christer and he was even busy campaigning for the CSC slot. i never realized how i badly missed my UST life until christer hugged me. *tearjerking moment*

sa mga tomasino kong friends!!! u better be available the next time i show up huh!!! miss ko na kasi kayo no!

i saw a post on che's blog.about "moral fiber" thing...che! yun yung sinasabi ko na nilagay ng friend ko sa speech nya.only that he was talking about finding the right girl.grabe..kinilig nga ako nung binasa ko yung speech nya.bibilib na sana ako..nabasa ko lang yung post mo sa blog! sayang!hahaha! *kudos to em*

okay..here's my friend's speech: (from che's post..only that i edited some stuffs..based on my friend's speech)

"...But lately I've been seeing it differently. Now I think finding the right girl is about finding that one person you really care about. That one special girl who means more to you than anything else in the world. And when you find her, you fight for her. You risk it all, you put her in front of everything, your life, all of it. but you know what? It doesn't matter. Because in your heart you know, that that girl is worth everything."

now..try to imagine a former playboy saying these words. i swear, em's "morphing" right before our eyes! he really loves his gf...awwww..ang sweet no?!

must prepare stuffs for libis tonight.teka...have i told my mom im gonna go to libis later?! nyahaahah!!! i hope she'd allow me to.i've been more of a pasaway lately.hehehe.ask jaymer...

puro na yata jaymer.so malamng nakakahalata na kayo dba?! coz if u haven't...

...mag star margarine na rin kayo!hahaha!

signs..

2005-01-30T11:15:00.000+08:00

twas weird yesterday. i was in the fx...and i was thinking..well, i was thinking if i should take the risk of falling.of course i wanted to take the risk, i can take the risk...i just want someone or something that would give me a push to do it. a sign...yeah..that's what i needed, a sign.
then the radio just played "do i need a reason." ...great...was that the sign? i haven't heard that song for 2 months and out of nowhere, this DJ from some station (u know where those fx drivers put their frequencies)...

next stop, i was talking to jaymer at around 1 am...we were talking.. i was thinking...i switched on to MTV and i figured i'd just leave it there since we were busy talking.imagine my surprise when i saw the MTV "a new tattoo." hey!! i've been looking for that eversince jaymer told me about that song.and then there's the mtv...just as jaymer and i were talking on the phone?! "akalain mong sa MTV ko pala sya makikita!" hahaha...

yep..another sign...im not insensitive..i can read signs...

at jaymer...di ko na kelangan ang star margarine..hahaha!!!

You don't get to choose, you just fall in love. And you get this person who is all wrong and all right at the same time. And you know that you love them so much except sometimes they just drive you completely insane and no one can explain it and the reason its so confusing is because its love. But if love didn't have any challenges, what would be the point?....Party of 5.

NAT experience

2005-01-26T10:28:00.000+08:00

i bet you're all dying to hear about my NAT. (ahehe..as if!) saturday night, i was really restless.i wanted to study but my mind's not absorbing all those information anymore.i can't believe i was actually panicking! especially when i saw that my classmates and my friends were really preparing for the exam.great!you know what they say when the night before the exams,I should rest my mind right?! oh but no!! i was cramming to put every detail inside my mind!just to get me to rest,jaymer called me up and we talked until i was too sleepy to study.everytime he'd hear me turning a page from a book he'd be like "oi,anna pat!wag mo pagurin utak mo!!" take note: he was having a tonsilitis when he called me up.hehehe..sweet no?!

grabe, sa sobrang takot ko bumagsak...nagising ako ng 5 am to get dressed for the 7 am mass.yes!u heard me right!i went to a 7 am mass to plead for my salvation.haha!

by the time i arrived to school at 10 am...everyone was still focusing on their reviewers.and what did i do?i ate,i sang...casual lang.my friends were praising me for my calm attitude.ay goodness!!i was brewing with tension inside if they only knew!!

okay...so here goes my evaluation on the nAT:unless i was not able to follow the directions (which im sure i never did)..THIRD YEAR NAKO!!!!!woohoo!!!

ay..i still have to keep my fingers crossed right?hehehe.basta, i was so dam happy i called jaymer asap as soon as i stepped out of the room to tell him about the exam.

***che,ur right..life is all about taking risks.i never thought babalik sa kin yung sinabi ko na yun sayo dati. yes, i have to take a risk.i know things won't be easy...but i know everything will be worth it.
goodluck to both of us.

crybaby...

2005-01-21T19:56:00.000+08:00

two days to go before the NAT...im nervous. i've been studying all day,but i still feel like i don't know anything at all.damn!..
i wasn't able to eat dinner. i can't.i tried to...but, i don't feel like eating.i don't know...i feel so..alone? i turned on the radio just as the dj played this song:

i love to see the ocean's beauty
And the moon that shines above
Alone in the sand lookin at the stars
Wishing someday i would find true love
Wouldn't be nice to see the morning
With the one you love the most
Wouldn't be nice to say goodnight
To the one you hold so close
to your heart,to your heart..

I love to sit in fields of green
Looking deeply thru the sky
Watching birds as they flap by
Hoping someday faith will bring me true love
Wouldn't be nice to hold someone
So dear, n near your heart
Wouldn't be nice to hear those wordsI love you, from the one
That you love, that you love..

I love to see myself one day
In the arms of someone
Who will share (his) life with me
Selflessly, someday you will find your way,
To me . . .

i felt like singing,so i did.but in the middle of the song, i cried.i remembered this stuff i wrote when i was still in highschool..
"...so this is how it feels...trying to reach out to you.knowing i want to say a lot of things,but with no such luck to get through.."
"it's hard when you want to tell the whole world you consider someone special, but you just can't do anything."
im not making any sense, am i?i was just thinking of some things...and there was this particular thing that made me feel...helpless...

nevamind...

2005-01-19T08:02:00.000+08:00

suddenly, i feel like im a bimbo.i don't know if it's just me, or the professor was really confusing us with the topic. i know i was great when i took those topics back in highschool.and yesterday was like..."uhmm..miss, what the hell are u talking about huh?!" argh!!! i was so frustrated that when i got home, i studied until i was damn tired and went to sleep.without eating dinner. anyway, i had a pork adobo at foodshop before going home.

aptitude exam will be on sunday.THIS sunday.*jitters* much as i want to sleep longer...have to study..study..study. if i fail this one...dammit! sue me punk!

i should have started a novena mass last week.haayyy!!

woke up at around 2 am this morning. ei jaymer, how's the hangover?!haha! went home at 12, arrived by 1..and still couldn't sleep by the time i woke up because of a nightmare.thank goodness i can talk to him instead of worrying about that friggin' dream! volunteered to hug me that night but sice he was kilometers away from my place..a text kiss and a text hug will do.haha!

don't want to text him when i woke up at 7. have a sweet hangover ..pleasant dreams dear!

am considering a haircut. anyone seen the jackie forster do?! you know, the layered type with long anime trails under and a cute bob above..basta...it looks really...malandi!hahaha!!! am still thinking how to tie it since we're all obliged to have our hair tied.

ei che...when are you gonna be OL?la lang...miss our morning chat routine.hehe.

must consider eating bfast. ciao people! take care..LOVE YOU ALL SOOooOOOOO MUCH!!! MMWWAAHH!!

do i need a reason?

2005-01-18T08:53:00.000+08:00

Today when I saw you I knew it was just like the first time
When you met my eyes I came close And I felt like the first time
To hold back my fearand feel you so near I’ve never been this far before
To hold back my fearand feel you so near I’m scared of falling into deep this time
Do I need a reason to tell you why I’m singing you this song
Do I need a reason to show you that I know where I belong
Whenever I am weary I lean on this feeling that I have
I am so much stronger now Thankful, yes I am
Today I’ll renounce them,the doubts and the fears I’ve been nursing
I’ll fly like a moth to the flameand I’ll feel like the first time
To hold back my fearand let you come near I’ve never been this far before
To hold back my fearand let you come near I’m ‘fraid of loosing and still I go

do nice girls finish last?

2005-01-14T11:05:00.000+08:00

sorry, i can't help asking myself this question after what i've been through this week. i'll attempt my best to give a gist of what happened.a classmate, who..well, let's say did not exert a lot of effort on one class got the same grade as i am. and to think that the prof saw that classmate copying during an exam.how's that huh?!and here i am,almost blowing my mind out just to get the lessons yet ending upwith the same score!!demmet!
kung ganyan lang pala hindi na ako mag-aaral!mandadarag nalang ako ng prof!!! it's so disappointing..disheartening..that i went out in the middle of the class since i was close to crying.
it's hard being a nice girl. in a relationship, guys would always tell me,"you're so nice.you deserve someone better." so we break up..because..im nice?! okay...so love's unpredictable.that's why i vent out my frustrations in my acads, coz i know i can control the outcome of my grades,at least, in my acads i can say im successful.and now this?! all because im too nice to copy/harass a prof?!watda?!!but then, come to think of it, that classmate may cheat and hound people at present, but by the time we get to the aptitude and board exams, that classmate would not have any idea on how to pass since that classmate was used to copying and hounding to get a high score..right?!as for guys,sure, they may find someone less nice than i am.but when they get hurt, they'll begin to think "patricia was never like this when we were together." then they'd begin to miss me, realize they were dead wrong for leaving me (hahaha!yes,i am talking based from present experiences-no,not just AN experience,but experienceS).so...do nice girls really finish last? after typing this post...this is what i have to say.nice girls always have aces on their sleeves for THEIR last laughs..

eyebags...

2005-01-09T11:03:00.000+08:00

and so the first week of the new year is over.nothing much happened.just the usual school stuffs.almost all our professors gave us the advance readings and dispersed us for some research so we were pretty much on our own those times.hehe.wait...there was one professor whom i talked to 'cause he messed up with my grades.i have high grades in the class,hech he even gave me plus points when i presented a report,then when he handed out the grades, he gave my groupmates a 1.25 while i got a 1.5.imagine the nerve?!it was a good thing though, that my groupmates did not like my grade so we talked to the prof and there...i got a 1.25 also.OMG..im so touched!haha.but i have to admit, i got pissed off.i even called jaymer (*waves at jaymer*)to vent out my tension and he was like "alam mo,nraramdaman ko na yung init ng ulo mo dito sa kabilang line.easy ka lang okay?" word for the month:harassment.hahaha!we have so many things to do at this moment, i don't know if i can still have time for my social life.(come to think of it,my social life is not that high-maintenanced anyway..)i have two weeks to prepare for my nursing aptitude exams (which would tell me if i can go on to the majoring course), we have the intramurals(as if i have something to do on this),seminars and by the end of the month...midterms!!waahh!!pooper of the month:eyebags.hayyy!!! yes, i have them..as in both of them.they got noticeable.i wanted to sleep all day to get rid of them, but of course i can't do that.how did they get under my eyes?im eating too much salty foods lately, and i sleep at 2 am because i study..and..okay...private and social life.haha.it didn't help also that i cried last night when i freaked out coz of a friend's message.i was really scared and i was crying so hard i didn't know what to do coz my friend was not answering his phone anymore.hay...since when have i been a crybaby?!hahaha!

new year..new me?!

2005-01-01T02:14:00.000+08:00

first day of a brand new year..and hopefully, a brand new me.hahaa..haven't been going out though for the past week.well, once...to go to a friend's place.twas fun...although im not gonna elaborate on the detes. uh uh..not here mister. just one word:HOT.(smirking) what can i say?i've always been a pilya at heart.
new year's dinner was...okay.im still fussing over the molo wrappers.thanks to them my siomai recipe was almost close to a disaster.and i forgot the pizza in the oven! hay...(resolution A: thou shalt not settle comfortably for a telebabad when you just placed something in the oven)...
but they were edible anyway...
i met my bestfriend's boyfriend.they make a cute couple i have to admit.and im really happy for my bestfriend.she's been an independent gal since...uhm...we were in the 6th grade? im really happy someone's taking care of her this time.
me?hmm...let's just say...im comfy with the way things are going on in my life as of the moment. besides,im really taking my time.i wanted the next one to be THE One. get it? too demanding? nah...it's not wishing for more...it's wishing for what i deserve.
new year..hehehe..can't wait for school.still haven't reviewed for the battery exams though.and by the way...have i told you about my 2 resolutions? (im just going with the flow people!)
1.stay focused and 2. no matter what happens, stay optimistic.
so there..goodluck to me..and may God bless me this new year!hahaha!!!

after christmas

2004-12-26T01:03:00.000+08:00

How did my christmas go? my Christmas was okay. I had fun cooking for my family and bonding with my siblings. Tiring but fun. Not my usual party type but hey!who cares about that?!they’re my family…
I saw my ex at the Christmas eve mass. He went with our friends.i went with my family. Since it is Christmas, I decided to go to their side after the mass and greet all of them. I kissed everyone in the group (yes, even his present gf who was also there; and even my ex). The usual greetings: “how are you?” “nice to see u” sort of thing. A friend asked me if I did something to myself-how come my boobs and my ass got big?! (must thank the new diet and work out details I’ve been observing). plus with my attire: white V-necked blouse-flowery,flowing skirt-high-inched sandals…hahaha! They were surprised.after the mass, we went straight home and ate noche Buena.

Had an exchange of text messages with my other ex just this night. he said he broke up with his gf.after a few minutes, he was calling on my cellphone and he was cursing his anger out at me. Im not gonna say all the details since it’s private. Hay..love life…when u want to get serious, u end up..obviously, heartbroken.

Good news. My friend, carlo is now a dad!hahaha! his wife gave birth on Christmas eve..(ei..ooh,nice timing.mental note to self:must ask carlo for some advice when to best do procreation if you want to give birth on an ideal date..hehehe)

By the way, my mom mentioned there’s a possibility she’ll go to California. She’s considering about paying some American guy for an arranged marriage,once she gets there. “kasal sa papel?” am really not sure how that would happen. But she mentioned about it. After that we’ll all go to the states.gee..everyone's into arranged marriage these days?! great! y don't i get into one too?!

New year’s coming up! Time to fix all those mess I’ve made for this year. I don’t actually believe in new year’s resolutions so I don’t make one at all. Wonder what 2005 has in store? Oh well, as they say..just go with the flow!!

Am seriously torn between wanting to sleep and desiring to watch primetime tv. Had to go fix myself a cappuccino.instant. im not a barista so as much as I want to have the coffee bar type of cappuccino…I cant. (things to do for 2005 number 1: learn how to make excellent coffee,specifically cappuccino and latte.)

We never say goodbye to someone we love because no matter what we do, that love will always find its way to us.
(got that from an article somewhere. Had the urge to spill the quote here in my blog).anyway, time for my mocha..ciao!and happy Christmas patricia!hahaha.

intriguing...

2004-12-23T13:02:00.000+08:00

It's best to settle for the one u want than settle for the one available...Best to wait for the one u love..than the one who's around...Best to wait for the right one because...Life's to short to be just wasted on someone...

what an intriguing entry....

headache...

2004-12-23T10:09:00.000+08:00

Two more days to go before Christmas!!! Okay, im getting ecstatic like a kid now. I woke up with a headache this morning. Must have been from hearing those “caroling gangs” last night. it was already 11 pm and they were still singing! Then the house across ours was having a party. well, I’m not sure if they were really having a party- but their radio was blaring. Great! And I planned to sleep early so I could attend the simbang gabi this morning. it was 12 am and I was exhausted from forcing my mind and my eyes to shut down.

In short…I didn’t get to hear the mass. Hehehe, I can just imagine what the priest would say tomorrow morning at the mass. “isa ka pala sa mga Alpha-Omega ha!” harharhar!coz I only attend these masses every first and last days.okay,okay…I’ll do better next year.

Im having weird dreams lately. I mean weird because in most of my dreams, I always see this baby girl. I first thought it was my dead cuz since we have this belief that some dead people visit us in our dreams right? But it was not her. I haven’t seen that kid before. But somehow , I felt bound to that kid. Ay ewan! But the baby was adorable ha!

Wait a minute! I remember now…in one of those weird dreams, the kid was calling me “mommy.” WWWAAAAHHHH!!! So the baby is mine?! And there were the other two kids!!!so I’ll have three kids?! Oh well, I wouldn’t mind really. They were all lovely.

But…I still have to get a stable job and most importantly…find the right man. But if I didn’t find him, I swear I’ll be living my life ala-Carrie Bradshaw.man…I love manhattan!hehehe.

I kept on telling myself I should start reviewing for the battery exams this January. I’m bored but I don’t wanna read my nursing books. Maybe after the 25th. One procrastinator coming up! I can’t believe my first year in nursing is coming to an end pretty soon. Tempus fugit. And we fly with it. To think that I came close to abandoning the plan. I just wish I’d breeze through it-until I graduate and take the exams.

But for now, I’m gonna live for the moment.

realizations

2004-12-22T01:49:00.000+08:00

i realized something. im free..im single and im free. im gonna live my life independently.no guys.no headaches.no more tie-ups. more parties...more guys to meet...more availability..more thrill...more fun...
so long to the past then...
im taking my first step after my realizations, and im not gonna turn my head back.

my little secret

2004-12-22T01:26:00.000+08:00

Did anybody see you
coming to my house last night?
When I got your message on my beeper,
That you wanna do everything I like,
Alright, alright.
I like being in the same room as you and your girlfriend.
The fact that she don't know,
That really turns me on.
She'll never guess in a million years,
That we've got this thing going on.
You're my little secret,
And that's how we should keep it.
It's on everybody's mind,
about you and I,
They think so, but they don't really know.
Or wanna know that,
You're my little secret,
And that's how we should keep it.
We should never let 'em know,
Never let it show.If you know, like I know,
We should never let it go.
If anybody knew that it was you and your house,
That I was creepin' to all the time,
I'd probably still do it,
'Cause I find it hard to keep you off of my mind.
Everybody cheats,
But you gotta know how,
you gotta know when,
You gotta know why my infatuation with you,
Is taking me on an emotional high.
I'm caught all up in this love affair baby,
Speculation will bring us stares.
All my friends are asking about it,
Still the truth I can't reveal.

text messages and my immortal

2004-12-21T15:34:00.000+08:00

got a text from my cuz…
CUZ: ei cuz…wassup? How’s xmas break so far?
MOI:ei cuz…im okay…xmas break’s fine..we’re all fine.bout u?CUZ: im okay too cuz.i thot u wer in Beijing working.wat r u in2 ryt now?
MOI:im taking up nursing..agen.
CUZ:ic..so u wna leave huh?hehehe…future plans with ur man?*smiley*
MOI:mom wants to leave.future plans?hahaha!I still have to find my man cuz.
CUZ:I thot u have a bf?he’s sumwer ryt?wala n ba kau?
MOI:uhm..cuz..matagal na.
CUZ:uh..ok..u wna talk abt it cuz?r u okay?
MOI:huh?im fyn.really…let’s talk of sumthing else ayt?
CUZ:r u sure cuz?coz im willing to listen u know.bsta,il b here ayt?

Haaaay…cuzins….sometimes they don’t know when to stop being concerned.

BTW,francis texted me. It’s already his xmas break so just in case I want to chat,he’ll wait for me.the problem is…I didn’t get to read his text until 3 pm today coz I had my sun sim in the phone.argh! bad timing! Mental note to self: use ur globe sim this xmas season.besides, my uncle might try to reach me in my globe number.xmas break day number 2…and im already bored.i don’t know what to do and I can’t find anything to do.hmm..maybe I’ll try to finish reading carlo’s book on lenin’s articles.and then after xmas break, I’ll be a communist.hehe! all I’ve been doing so far is get up,eat,sleep,watch tv,take a bath,look for something (which I don’t have any idea what it is anyway),text people,surf the net, and talk to my siblings here.
I think I’ll just read my nursing books.haayyy!!! have I become pathetic?

Im having an LSS (last song syndrome)
“when u cry I’ll wipe away all of ur tears.when u scream id fight away all of ur fears.i held ur hand through all of these years.but u still have all of me…”

nice song no? I remembered when the song was first played and I was eating dinner with my friend jane.
JANE: ang ganda ng song na yan no?
MOI: o nga eh..sa sobrang ganda gusto ko ng maiyak.parang ang ganda ng pagkaka-lungkot nya
JANE:hindi kasi parang dba..dun sa kanta…uv given everything to that person and uv reached the point that ur supposed to give up but u still have something to give to that person.
MOI:ah..ganun ba yun?akala ko kasi nakapa-ironic ng lovelife niya.na kasama niya yung tao almost all her life pero deep inside parang di nya nararamdaman yung tao kasi siya yung parating kinakailangan ng tao….

The conversation was something like that.philosophical? hay…nevermind. I like that song.

and there are times when i get slapped on my face

2004-12-20T10:02:00.000+08:00

two posts in one day...
francis left a message on my friendster telling me about his blog. (yah i know che...rule number one: thou shalt not visit any webpages of him...) but what can i do? im such a curious person.

there, so i visited it. hmm...read it...absorbed it...and from the looks of it...he's doing great...uhm..eerie? with all those "chicks" in his entries once in awhile. i think he has a gf..oh well, at least he's doing okay.

taena pat!!! who r u kidding?! martyr galore ka dyan?! what the heck...

christmas wishlist #1....make me numb! ur right che "di na natuto.."

im strong right? geez..i hope so...but im going to let u in: im not as strong as u think i am. being strong means you absorb what's happening and you try to live through the pain. right now..im denying the pain...my mind's been like this ...(-------------------------------) there.

taena talaga pat!!! blast urself!

i know a lot of people would not believe this after everything they've seen..but..
i miss him...and as much as i don't wanna admit it, no one could ever sum up to what he's been in my life.

teka...at bakit ang drama nito/? damn!!! kaya ayoko pag pasko eh...i get so softie...

4 days to go...

2004-12-20T09:39:00.000+08:00

After three days of laziness…I’m back! Where do I begin with my stories? I already mentioned I’m going to laguna right? Okay, so what happened was after the party, my friends and I went to laguna.and take note: we didn’t just go there. We went there “mission impossible” style. Hahaha! Okay, im not supposed to make that public. I think that was already 12 am when we started the trip. After around 45 minutes, we arrived at the geothermal site. I had the feeling I’m in the set of “lord of the rings” since there was smoke everywhere, it was kindda dark, save for the streetlights…plus there were endless lineup of trees…suddenly I felt like Arwen..hahahaha!!!! joke!

My friend rented a videoke machine and by the time we got there, we just cooked our food (actually, it was my friend carlo who started cooking the pasta), we did our personal rituals, prepared the vodka, and then we’re off to draining our voiceboxes! Thankfully, the neighbors were very uhm…accommodating and patient with our voices. we all sang until we got tired and went to sleep. Hmm..on the other hand, let me rephrase it… we all sang until they got tired and decided to get some sleep. As for me, I kept on singing until they woke up!so much for my concert. I am the strong one!!!hehehehhe.

I had a great time with them. “bonding kung bonding.” Coz back in school, I kindda felt uneasy with them for some reason. But when we went to laguna, damn! Those guys are complete wackos!!hehehe..they’re fun! I just wish our friend edge was there.

4 days to go before Christmas. My friends asked me if im going to be lonely this Christmas, since they knew that everything’s different between me and francis right now. In a way, I feel sad…especially with the thought that we both have our own lives right now. But then, I have so much going on around me, and there are a lot of people who care for me. I don’t see any reason why I’d be feeling bad this Christmas.
As for the question that I left in my previous post, I already found the answer. I can’t fall for him. I can’t just fall for someone who loves someone else right? I mean, I could..but I won’t. because I know he loves the girl so much, and I don’t wanna be the one to destroy their relationship. (btw, I don’t think I can even break them up).

2004-12-15T22:54:00.000+08:00

I’m going to laguna!hehehe! I just wish I still have some of my allowance left…*silently murmurs a prayer…*

I was feeling lazy yesterday. I think all I did was sulk in my friend’s car while listening to Mariah’s “rainbow” album. Then that night we went to watch the college pageant. Hay! I still say nothing compares to MMAB’s and MMTP’s showcase!panalo talaga!

Yey!!!today’s the first day of simbang gabi! You know what time it is?6:29 am.and I just got home from church.congratulations to myself for waking up early. Another thing…I showered and got dressed within 10 mins.YAHOO!!! yah,yah I know…it’s nothing impressive.but for someone like me who showers and prepares for 45 mins even when I’m going to be late for school, that is a recordbreaker!!!

Okay, it just occurred to me: how am I supposed to complete the simbang gabi if im going to laguna for an overnight?!

Haayyyyy!!!!!……

As of the moment, I’m having an internal battle regarding my love life. You know when you start to realize someone has already become special? you know there’s nothing wrong when you feel that way…but you try to deny everything that’s happening because you don’t want to fall deeper…you’re scared to hurt people, you’re scared to hurt the person, and you’re scared that you’ll get hurt. But then, you begin to wake up each day feeling more alive than the previous days. I’m beginning to talk nonsense am I not?

I'm afraid I'm starting to feelWhat I said I would not doThe last time really hurt me
I'm sacred to fall in loveAfraid to love so fast'Cause every time I fall in loveIt seems too never last
But every time your love is nearAnd every time I'm filled with fear'Cause every time I see your faceMy heart does begins to race every time
One half wants me to goOne half wants me to stayI just get oh so confused

freaky and frustrating

2004-12-15T09:28:00.000+08:00

Somewhere between eating maja blancas and listening to jamelia…

Haaaayyyyyy!!! (and I mean a long sigh ha!). yesterday was really frustrating.and freaky.frustrating because remember the general knowledge contest I mentioned? We lost. Don’t get me wrong. I’m cool with the thought that I lost. But see, we joined the contest because we thought it was supposed to be a general information contest. First round was okay. When we got to the average level, the questions were way beyond our comprehension! And to think we reviewed for the general information type of contests!!! The questions in the average round were all about health science, you know, those types that we would be learning once we get to 3rd year.obviously, we got eliminated after the second round.then we stayed, supposedly to watch the difficult round.SUPPOSEDLY, because after the third question, my friends and I were out of the auditorium. I felt cheated. And who wouldn’t?! the first three questions in the difficult round were the questions I’ve been answering way back elementary! Yes..they were easy! As in no sweat!!!!! Argh! Kainis no?

But I was really touched with my friends’ support. They really watched the contest (even if they wanted to go somewhere else)..hehehe. and they were very encouraging especially when I was irritated with the way the contest was done.take note: they had a speech exam in their English class. they took the exam but they rushed out the class asap as soon as they finished their speeches. =)

There. That’s the frustrating part. The freaky part happened when I was on my way home. I passed through this certain street to go to the tricycle terminal. When I turned towards that street, there was this drunkard who was standing and shouting “oi!wag kang lalabas dyan! Titirahin kita!” and he was holding a “dos por dos” (or was it a metal?im not sure coz it was kindda dark in that place).anyway, I got a bit nervous of course because I don’t wanna get in the middle of a brawl. Then came this man who was walking right behind me. I saw that he was holding something and when I looked at it closely, I saw a knife in his hand! Goodness!! I was damn scared I started to run towards the terminal. Hell, I didn’t want to die last night! and not in that way for pete’s sake!!!!

It was good that I still looked okay in yellow. Otherwise, I’d officially declare yesterday as a wreck!

Oh, nevermind that! I finally learned to ice skate!hahaha! suddenly I sounded silly. My friends and I went to the mall since we were bored with what’s happening in the campus. My friend Edge convinced us to go ice skating. Well, I haven’t tried to ice skate, the closest I had was rollerblading…and even that couldn’t be included in my “fair enough” list of skills. But I decided to try since I don’t see any harm with it. I couldn’t move at first. I was taking these small glides while holding onto the rails at the sides. Then after 10 mins of crisscrossing feet…I went to the middle of the rink.yup…go me! Hehehe. I fell down once, and thank God I didn’t land on my face!heehe..but oh well…no pain no gain right? Konting babad pa sa rink…pede na ako mag-pirouette dun!hahaha!!!
I’m nervous. I wish my mom would allow me to join the overnight at my friend’s place in laguna. Otherwise, they would not push through and I’ll be a party pooper. Im wishing…and hoping..and praying…and wishing…

first post

2004-12-13T03:56:00.000+08:00

kindda dainty..pink.hehe.oh please!where was i?oh yeah...my first post..ta-dah!!there you go che,a way to update you guys despite my busy sked.dec.12,2004...my first blog post.enough about the random ramblings! i decided to take a break from my review session.i think my left brain stressed out from reading anatomy and history books.no..not just chapters.as in the whole book!hehe.just to know if i can still answer those general knowledge questions.at least i'm doing something about my limits.
i have to end here first.it's almost noon and i still have to eat my brunch.i forgot to eat breakfast as soon as i opened the history book.i'll write more next time.maybe tomorrow if i'm not that depressed with the outcome of the contest.great!!i just remembered i still have to go buy a yellow shirt for tomorrow.argh!i hate wearing yellow clothes!!!